Our expert says:
Sounds like this was an informal, person-to-person arangement, about access --- wouldn't you do better to go to the court and have them decide on what access is fair to you and beneficial to the child, and then your ex would have to keep to it ?
The problem of your current wife apparently feeling jealous and rivalry between your daughter and your son with her, is more complex, and marriage counselling would be the most efficient way to work that out, but she may well not wish to cooperate in that. That she gets furious to the point of violence at your simply wishin to spend time with your daughter is of course unreasonable and unfair. Whether your daughter visits your parents is of course not really any of your wife's business. But she is not behaving as an adult, is she ? She needs to recognize the boundaries that you set, and as she chose to marry you knowing that you had a daughter, she has no business NOW deciding to reject the child --- how insecure she must feel ! Joe expresses this very well. Remind her that it should be shameful form a grown woman to make a little girl feel bad and unwanted, out of jealousy --- surely she must recognize that the child is totally innocent and deserves only love.
You may indeed need to set boundaries and make it clear that if she does not treat your daughter well and consider your honourable feelings about this, you may need to leave her.
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