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Question
Posted by: me | 2004/11/07

Bad situation

Subject: Bad situation
Posted by: me
Message:
hi all....
not sure how to start here but maybe someone has some advice for me?
I have been married for almost 7 years,and like a lot of ppl. on this forum,have absolutely no desire for sex anymore...
This is the situation...I have two adorable boys aged 3 and 8 months,which keep me very busy,evn tho I am not a stay at home mom. I am exhausted at the end of the day,incidently I wok for my hubbie as well.
Hubs refuses point blank to help me with our children,he wont even take them to the paed even if I ask him to.
At night the little one wakes me up about 3 times,he will not get up for him at all.
I am feeling really down....I know I need to get some independance but new careers arent easy to come by.
I feel like I would rather be on my own....but how?
As it is I feel like a single parent already....
He tells me at least he hired a lady to clean the house so I dont have to do that too,but all I want is a daddy for my kids.
We work weekends but take Tuesdays and Wednesdays as our days off,but he refuses to have the kids with us,he insists that we send them to the creche,with the result being that I feel miserable because I miss them so much and the fact that I only have those 2 days to spend with them.
Please help.....

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Hello me,
Well, we don't all maintain our libido / sex drive at boiling point, over the years. And getting exhausted is an excellent way to extinguish it, too. And it sounds as if you're running into some of the disadvantages of working for one's spouse --- sleeping with the boss doesn't seem exciting, and there's nobody at home to complain to if he's a bad boss, nor at work if he's lazy at home ( and failing to share the kids chores is unjustified ). As you say a hired lady can do basic housework, but can't be a Dad. So you're one of the growing number of single parents who happen to be married ! Who could possibly maintain sexual interest in the selfish oadf, under these circumstances ?
I wonder what he'd do if, when the little one wakes you at night, you brought the child back to be for a short while ?
I agree with Inc that marriage counselling would be a good idea, but he may well be too selfish and self-centred to agree. Even then, individual counselling for you might help to clarify your options for you to make a better informed choice.

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: opal | 2004/11/08

Hi all....
Thanx so much for all ur replies,I feel a lot better:)
I always used to think that I was the only one in this kind of situation,and that maybe this is how things go.As it is,I once spoke to my mom about it and she said that guys 'are like that sometimes',so I just accepted it.
I know that I should accept my hubs as he is the guy I married,but in all honesty I didnt know that this was the way he felt about kiddies at the time.
I have bought the latest Workplace in the Star,so pls hold thumbs for me.....and I will definately go to councelling.
Bye for now:)

Reply to opal
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/11/08

Hi me,

It is no wonder you have lost interest/desire in sex!!! I agree with Inc., again...
He seems to be way too selfish, & I would also very strongly suggest marriage counselling. What/who does he think he is, king?

Regards,
Shaun

Reply to Shaun
Posted by: Inc | 2004/11/08

Dear Me

You are right... you are a single parent. Your baby is still quite young and I can imagine how drained you must feel. I don't have any other word for your hubby except 'Selfish'. He needs to share the responsibility of raising children. Maybe suggest that the two of you go for counselling? A marriage is a partnership... but it seems that you are the only one working at it.

I am a single mother of 3.. the youngest is 17 months. Although they keep me busy and I work during the day... I have less stress at home, without a father-figure. My kids are in a routine and it works for me. I am not encouraging you to leave him just yet... try to get counselling. Your hubby doesn't seem to see how stressful this is for you.
Good luck

Reply to Inc

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