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Question
Posted by: StarLush | 2002/12/23

Bad communication

I have a big problem with the father of my child. We've been separated for 12 months now(after a relationship of 5 yrs) but we are always fightining about anyhting and everything. We stayed together for a year but the relationship became too stormy and he moved out.

The main problem that I have with him is he is a very baaaad communicator. He never says anything even when you ask him about something. You have to really force it out of him and that is a lot of hard work for me bacause it delays every decision that we need to take regarding our son. For example the boy is starting school next year. I asked him how we gonna handle the responsibility ie whose gonna be paying for what. He told me not to worry about anything that has got to do with the boy's schooling(uniform, books and schools fees). Yesterday, his mother asked me if I have bought uniforms and everything - I was suprised bacause I was told by his son that they will take care of everything and she was gonna help him do that. He told his mother that I am creating stories about him having to pay cos he only agreed to pay for school fees . I was so angry I just could not control myself but broke down and cried because whenever we have a disagreement an attitude comes up from his side. He's always felt inferior and he tries to humiliate me by either ignoring me when I'm trying to talk some sense and makes sure that I'm upset so that his family sees me as the bad guy. He is one of those people who believe that whatever he is doing is right and me I just have to say "YES" whether there is some sense in it or not. This is one of the major reasons why we were fighting.Getting back together will never work but I don't understand why he behaves the way he does. Why is he such a bad communicator?. Am I a bully or Impatient?. I she Immature. By the way I'm 28 and he is 27.He is going out with a 19 year old

I know my message is long but this is serious. I need to know this so that I can be able to handle my nest relationship

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

Dear StarLush
Thank you for the e-mail. Sometimes by just writing such a long e-mail it is quite therapeutic as it gets you to vent a lot of anger. Between the lines I read anger, frustration, hurt and most of all rejection. I see lots of he says - she says stories going backwards and forwards between you, him and his mother.

There are no quick fix answers. The two of you must either sit with a mediator, or a third person (ideally not his or your mother) and come to some adult agreements. Contact FAMSA in your area and get some information on the services that they render.

I'm also forwarding your letter to Cyber Shrink as this forum deals with Sexually related issues.
Good luck
Dr Mac

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: Poppie | 2002/12/24

I dont know what to do anymore, I have been with my fiance for 4 years and he never want's to do anything with me. If I ask him lets go down to the beach or any other place then he says that he has lost nothing there. I realy dont know what to do anymore, it is not that i am over weight or bad looking. Even when we fight it is always my fault, he even say that he never make mistakes. I realy need to know what can I do to make things write if I want to speak to him he tells me that I am complaining about nothing. But the thing is that I am tring to work thing out with him.

please help

Regards,
Poppie

Reply to Poppie
Posted by: Duke | 2002/12/23

Send a copy of your message to the CyberShrink.

Reply to Duke

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