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Posted by: Phranx | 2004/01/14

baby out of wedlock - dad not interested

I am 12 weeks pregnant,keeping the baby & ecstatic about it.I am 25 & the dad has opted out of the situation!We had the perfect relationship & his reaction is the last thing I expected from him.His family r have tried in so many ways to force me to abort the child & want nothing to do with the child or me,which obviously has a lot to do with the direction he is taking.I love this man & would give anything to beable to give our child & our relationship a fair chance.I have made it clear to his family & him that I do not expect marriage or anything else from them/him & will have the baby regardless.I know he is very angry with me (denial?my refusing to abort?) & confused right now & pray every day that he will come around.WILL HE though, is the question? And what should/can I do to know whether I must give up hope & move on (which is my absolute last resort-I want to be with him) or just keep on praying and wait? Any advice?
Thanks.

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Our expert says:
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Dear Phranx,
he has absolutely no right to be angry with you for refusing to abort, which was your decision to make ( he had a choice to avoid getting you pregnant, which he seems not to have taken ). It's none of his family's business, and it rather shabby of him to pay so much attention to their opinions, while not attending to his responsibilities to you and the baby. Does this really show him to be the sort of man you want to have in your life ? You can judge a man far more accurately by the way he behaves in such a crisis than in how cuddly and adorable he manages to be dring the good and untroubled times. You may want to remind him that he DOES have a duty to you and the pregnancy, and to talk to you about this. But if he isn't man enough to face his responsibilities, and to care for you at this specific time, maybe he isn't man enough for you ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Ish Bo | 2004/01/15

My g/f fell pregnant last year when she was doin her first year at varsity.Pregnancy was d last thing on our minds.She is 19 and I'm 21.As difficult as the situation was bt I was so proud of her to realise that abortion was not an option for her.She wanted to keep our baby irrespective of the odds...and you know why?because she loves me and I love her too.She's a very special woman.I'M TELLING YOU ALL THIS COZ i DONT UNDERSTAND YOUR "B/F" BEHAVIOUR.IF HE TRULLY LOVES YOU,HE SHOULD STICK BYYOU ALL THE TIME.I'm also so proud of you for wanting to give that little angel of yours a chance in life.I dont think he loves you as much as you would like him to so he is not worth waiting for.So if you had to ask for my advise,dont ever let him back in your life.

Reply to Ish Bo
Posted by: anotherview | 2004/01/15

Did you not ask him before you got pregnant if he wanted a kid. Or is it the same old story - I will get pregnant and then he HAS to accept everything. Some guys dont want kids it doesnt matter who you are or what kind af relationship you have, and you cant force him to suddenly want one cos you took it on yourself to have a kid. It really frustrates me the amount of times this happens and then the women blames the guy. if you want him to be part of it get his OK first otherwise be preparred to do it on your own.

Reply to anotherview
Posted by: Belle | 2004/01/14

I fell pregnant quite by accident with my first child. We had just got married and had decided to wait for 3 years before having children. Needless to say my husband was very upset about it. It took him the full pregnancy just to come to terms with it. He never went with to any of my appointments at the gynae and said that he would not go into the delivery room with me. She is his blue eyes girl now and they are inseperable. I dont know if things will work out this way for you as my husband was forced to live with me during my pregnancy and had no choice when it came to being involved with our baby, but take heart that there is a chance. If he is so hard hearted that he cannot get over himself for the sake of his child then it is probably better to be without him than to have your child growing up feeling the anemosity. You are more that strong enough to do this without him.

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