Posted by: Chantal | 2012/02/01

Baby from a married man

I am divorced and had an affair with a married man for 2,5 years. I fell pregnant and when I advised him, he told me not to have an abortion and he will support me of what my decision is. Throughout the pregnancy he did not go to any of the doc''s appointments with me but would enquire on how the baby and I were doing. This gave me a false sense of him caring. The baby has been born of which I informed him and he has still not made an attempt to see her and has stopped all contact with me a month and a half after the baby was born. The last I had seen him was a week before the baby was born. When I spoke to him after the birth of the baby he mentioned that he was afraid to see the baby as he will grow close and will cause problems in his marriage because he won''t be able to stay away. His wife has no knowledge of the child he has fathered. Needless to say I was hurt at the fact that he has not made the time to see the baby. I do acknowledge having an affair was not the right thing to do, but we both need to take responsibility for the child. I have been protecting him all along and now feel that the child is the most important individual here.

My question is: Do I expose him to his wife? Do I speak to him and ask him if he sees himself having a relationship with his child? I am so confused and want to do the right thing for my child, even though I know my actions were wrong.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

You know it was not wise to have an affair wih a maried man, and that it isn't wise to believe his promises that he will take care of you, unless he makes the promises in deail and in a leally binding document. He is probably most concerned that you might tell his wife. ONLY the child deserves protection. It would be wise to go to the Maintenance court which can decide fairly how much he should pay and will make sure that he does. Its a bit late for him to sart worring about problems in his marriage.

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Our users say:
Posted by: chris carlson | 2012/02/27

You were hurt? And how do you think his wife will feel? You want to do the right thing for your child, yet you conceived this child with full knowledge that he was married. First thing you need to do is stop lying to yourself. Secondly, get ready to suck up all the pain you planned and intended to impose on his wife. You deserve it.

Reply to chris carlson
Posted by: M | 2012/02/03

Just ask yourself, how would I feel if my husband had a baby with another woman whilst married to me? Do you know how hard it is to make a marriage work these days, without the added " easiness"  of women who make themselves available to men who are not marriage material? That mans wife''s tears will be on you and her husband for the rest of your life, and from what I understand, its not an easy burden to bear.

Reply to M
Posted by: Malo | 2012/02/03

Most of my friends are making this a norm. So they cry from hurt by married man, its about time you pay for what you sew. Reaping the rewards. Enjoy.

Reply to Malo
Posted by: Romany | 2012/02/02

You are getting what you deserve.
A married man will never leave his wife and family for a " piece on the side''.
You were a " prostitute"  to him, only thing is, you were not charging him.
Please women, learn from this! There are no exceptions.
Leave the wife out of this and claim maintenance for his child.

Reply to Romany
Posted by: C | 2012/02/02

You made your bed ..... now sleep in it. You destroyed your own life by getting involved with a married man. Why do you want to destroy his wife''s life as well?

Reply to C
Posted by: Wife to a married man | 2012/02/02

Good, pay back time. Karma for you. We married woman must suffer all your funny and selfish behaviour. So face the heat mam.

Reply to Wife to a married man
Posted by: Lait | 2012/02/02

Leave the wife out of this, you did not think of the wife when u were stealing her hubby, for him having the relationship with the child you can''t force him the only thing you can do is to make him pay maintenance. The fact that you want to inform the wife it just prove how selfish you are, you hoping she gets so upset and leave him may be you can be a happy family. Shame on you. What goes around comes around.

Reply to Lait
Posted by: Obvious | 2012/02/01

You may as well tell the wife as t is unlikely to be able 2 keep this a secret in the years ahead.
The right thing 2 do for the child is 2 obtain maintenance - seek legal advice asap 2 do so.
As 4 him having a relationship with the child should have thought about this before concieving a married mans child............

Reply to Obvious

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