Posted by: Baby blue | 2009/04/16

Baby Blues

I lost my baby 5 months ago, and just can' t seem to move on. I feel hurt every time I see or hear of a pregnant woman. I feel so hurt, and actually wish I could hate children.
Is this normal, will I get through this, do I need counseling?

Please help me...

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Our expert says:
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Grief is never easy, and some forms are harder than others, including exactly your experience. It is normal to feel the range of reactions you describe, but unpleasant, and counselling can help one to work through this more effectively and efficiently. One never forgets the child ( sometimes, we cling to our grief as though it might be insulting to the child to stop severe grieving ) --- but one moves on to something far better to remember with joy rather than pain. You may also find it useful to find out if there is within reach a branch of the organization The Compassionate Friends, which gathers and helps people who have lost a child at any age.
Personally, I recommend some counselling before trying for another pregnancy. Sometimes the new pregnancy brings relief and happiness from rthe start ; sometimes, though, if one hasn't sufficiently worked through the grief, parents can hesitate to love the new infant for fear of losing it, too, and that's not ideal for a child

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Lea | 2009/04/17

Dear Baby Blues,
Am really sorry to hear of your loss. I can imagine how devastating it is to lose a baby. My 2 year old niece passed away a year ago and even though it wasn' t my baby, I felt so hurt.

Please don' t lose hope of having another baby. You can always try fertility treatment. I have been unable to fall pregnant &  have been trying for 5 yrs now. Am currently having fertility treatment. Had to wait a long time to have some money to afford it. But I see women every time I visit the doc and hear about their stories.

Take a look at the infertility support form here. There are so many women who share your story and maybe posting on the site will help you. You can share your feelings.

Reply to Lea
Posted by: Baby Blue | 2009/04/17

Thank you all for your supportive messages.
Reason why this baby was so special to me, was that we were told we would never be able to conceive normally. And then it happend. I am so scarred to fall pregnant again, what if it happens again? Would i ever be able to fall pregrant again - given that this was a miracle baby to begin with.

But i will try all your suggestions.

I will also go for counselling. I have to get through this. Thank you guys for caring.

Reply to Baby Blue
Posted by: Juice | 2009/04/16

My cousin did just that Liza, lost a baby at 7 montsh before we knew it she was pregnant again, and we never hear her talk of the baby she lost...I do think falling pregnant again heals

Reply to Juice
Posted by: Liza | 2009/04/16

I lost a baby years ago. Luckily it was rather early in the pregnancy. My doctor(gynae, not shrink) told me to go home and try again. I did and became pregnant with my now 9 year old son. Counselling could be a good idea, but perhaps just getting pregnant again could help too? You seem to want a baby more than just having the normal issues associated with miscarriage?

Good Luck

Reply to Liza

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