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Question
Posted by: Matthew | 2004/10/19

Avoidant personality dude back again!

Hi there doc, I don't know if you remeber me but I'm the guy with the OCD and social anxiety from a while ago. I also spoke about thinking that my psycho was not very good. She says she wants to sue you because you are rude and tried to bugger up her sessions by saying that she maybe feels uneasy around me. She's well, humourous. Anyway how are you?? Jeepers you got a lot of desperate people out here needing your help, looks the world needs to be a lot more caring to others! That's not just our little world of S.A. too!
Anyway, I'm wondering what's wrong with me still. I seem to be late for things on purpose or never hand things in on time or wait until the last minute in a panic. I also find that I only do things for other people, like for 5 years I worked really hard at the drums and always pitched up for lessons and had all the work covered. Then he left for overseas and from that day on I had one sheet that I tried to get right and it wasn't a hard sheet at all but I practised it like 200 times and still couldn't get it right. Did I do it to myself on purpose?? I can't seem to concentrate while doing my work and I wander around. I know how much work I have to do and it's not that much but I just can't seem to get it done no matter how much I think about it or how long I sit in front of the PC. Is it possible that I am a perfectionist? What about PTSD where people feel guilty for what they may have witnessed in the past and subconsciuosly start to make themselves fail on purpose. Sufferers of PTSD also avoid social contact like me. I also find myself unable to enjoy myself, if I had it my way I wouldn't talk at all. I hate being around people because they can't have fun around me because I can't have fun. If I laugh or smile I go bright red and embarassed and feel so silly whn I should just be able to laugh and smile. It's like I refuse anything thast is pleasurable in life and don't allow myself to have fun. It's like a cancer in me sonewhere and in a very clever it didn't spread in my body but spread around my life and made sure I'm not allowed to enjoy things.
I live my life to keep other people happy and I'm sick of this, whenevr I'm around other people I have to act like I'm interested in life or that I'm happy. I do everything for them. I should've commited suicide ages ago. This cancer has spread and taken everything I ever enjoyed and people don't want to be around a person like me who can't have fun. Soon, people start realising that I'm unhappy because I battle to act happy all the really wears me down inside to have to act happy. I owe it to myself to kill myself, I know I don't deserve this anymore. I've seen the light unless you a good idea. The last psycho was an absolute pig. We're sitting outside with our begging bowls for advice and she gets a powertrip out of seeing us in pain. She has an overinflated ego because she thinks that she is superior to her patients because they need help. We are all good people and sometimes people need help, what's wrong with that?? I came in practically begging for her to help me and she didn't even take an interest. She hurt me so much, she knew I was sensitive and alone and desperate and about to commit suicide yet she didn't even care. I asked her if she cares about her patients and she tried hard to avoid the question. And you know what, because I'm all sweet and stuff, I constantly covered up for her. I was so stupid to do that. If she wants to take you to court for helping me, then I'll take her to court for not supplying her service properly. No problem, I want to take her out and make sure she never has the chance of making someone feel unimportant ever again. Sometimes I was shy and was rather quiet but that it one of my major problems. I paid for the service and I was totally cool and cooperative. So what was her problem. I don't know how it works, but can I report this woman?
My other psychos were pretty darn cool!
So I was just wondering if I should go for hypnosis maybe if it is something that makes me fail on purpose and not allow myself to have fun. I'm going mad and can't take this anymore. I'm completely stuck.
Thank you very much for help!
Matthew

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Gosh, sounds like I'd better not say anything about your perfectly marvellous psychologist ! I'm puzzled though, if you're hard at work with her, why are you raising fresh queries here, rather than with her ? Anyhow, I'm sure that as the excellent therapist she surely is, she'd be delighted to have different viewpoints raised for you to discuss in your sessions. And I'm equally sure she'd like to answer and discuss your latest query, too.
Seriously, it's a bit mischievous for people who ARE already in therapy to raise significant questions here rather than directly with their therapist--- its kinda like infidelity, isn't it ?
What you're descibing doesn't sound like PSD ( you seem interested in acquiring more exotic diagnoses, don't you ? ), and not even only perfectionism, but a sort of self-defeating pattern ?
You certainly should not kill yourself, or even think about doing that, as that solves nothing whatsoever. You owe yourself a whole lot more, and better, than that.
You certainly sound highly negative about your last "psycho" . shrink, but surely any good shrink would say if you are that unhappy with the way I practice, do, please, go and see another shrink, who may suit you better ! I'm not sure that "reporting: that woman, to the Health professions Council or wherever, would be useful ro would solve the problems you describe. Rather see a new shrink, get a fresh viewpoint, and continue working on the areas sill needing attention. If your other psychos were "pretty darn cool", you know there are good guys around --- find one of them.
Hypnosis is NOT the solution to the sort of problems you're describing, and could make them even worse. See a normal shrink and work in therapy on what needs to be done.

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