Our expert says:
Gay, lesbian and bisexual expert
Hi Wondering, welcome to the forum and thanks for posting. Note that some people would object to the term "butch".
Your question is fed by the heterosexist concept that, universally, men are attracted to women and vice versa, and that in same-sex relationships and sexual interactions one party must assume the gender-based role of "man" and the other must assume the role of "woman". People mistakenly believe that there has to be a "masculine" and a "feminine" role in every relationship or sexual interaction. This is most commonly expressed by the idiotic question sometimes posed by straights when they see a same-sex couple, "Which one is the man and which one is the woman?"
All people, both straight and gay, come in different shapes and sizes and we all express our sexual identities in very diverse and complex ways. Being gay is about being romantically and sexually attracted to people of the same sex and the heterosexist, gender-stereotypical concepts of “male” and “female” suggested in your question have far less baring on us than they do on straights. Two gay men can love each other as two men, and lesbian women love each other as women.
Hopefully some lesbian women will respond to your post as well.
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