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Question
Posted by: Wondering | 2006/07/30

Attraction

Is it true that butch lesbians are more attracted to effeminate lesbians, and the other way around?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageGay, lesbian and bisexual expert

Hi Wondering, welcome to the forum and thanks for posting. Note that some people would object to the term "butch".

Your question is fed by the heterosexist concept that, universally, men are attracted to women and vice versa, and that in same-sex relationships and sexual interactions one party must assume the gender-based role of "man" and the other must assume the role of "woman". People mistakenly believe that there has to be a "masculine" and a "feminine" role in every relationship or sexual interaction. This is most commonly expressed by the idiotic question sometimes posed by straights when they see a same-sex couple, "Which one is the man and which one is the woman?"

All people, both straight and gay, come in different shapes and sizes and we all express our sexual identities in very diverse and complex ways. Being gay is about being romantically and sexually attracted to people of the same sex and the heterosexist, gender-stereotypical concepts of “male” and “female” suggested in your question have far less baring on us than they do on straights. Two gay men can love each other as two men, and lesbian women love each other as women.

Hopefully some lesbian women will respond to your post as well.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: TTM | 2006/07/31

Dear Wondering,

Expert is quite right. Some people will object to the term "butch"....but I am a lesbian and the funny thing that gets to me is that we as lesbians (and take note, alot of them takes offend by the word "lesbian" as well) can mention the words butch etc but God forbid straight people should...anyway.

I have always been attracted to the more muscular woman. I am feminite. I have friends that change their looks the way they change their toilet paper. One in particular changes her looks everytime there is someone new in her life. If her partner is more "butch" she will suddenly wear more feminine clothes and if her partner is feminine, she suddenly start dressing like a man. I have a BIG problem with this so I understand where your question is coming from. I totally agree with the expert that two women love each other for who they are. Even in my currently relationship my girlfriend is not butch or feminine...she just is and I love her for that. We both do dishes, garden work, house work, cooking etc.

But there is in every relationship a dominating person. By this I mean, the one making the decisions in the house. The one that has a stronger personality that the other.

Reply to TTM

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