Posted by: mom | 2008/12/04

at wits end!!

I don' t know what to do here, I have a 12 yr old, his a lazy, untidy and bach chatting little brat.
His got my partner of nine years twisted around his fingers, he recently got a WII game, later games of his choice, yesterday he cut out an advert with games and gave my partner who said no problem he' ll get them over the weekend.
When tell him to do chores he sulks and now back chatting, I punish him by taking away things he loved most.
My partner has bought him a mountain bike wich he doesn' t use and overweight, pc with lots of games, whole cricket outfit for school,soccer outfit you name it he has it nokia N72.
Monday he wanted to bring a friend home I refused as there is no telling what they' ll get up to alone.
He jumped through our bedroom window, we lock the door because he sits and watches dstv all day and does no chores.
He ate up my partners biscuits, raisins etc.
My partner came home,found this out so I was shouted at.
So I grounded him, no friend to come over.
Last night my partner looked for a scout knife he had in the draw, then a machine he has for cutting hair in his nose and ears.
I found this stuff in my sons room, the knife had the cork screww part broken, the machaine was in piece' s.My partner asked him about the knife he said he knew nothing.I was too scared to bring out the broken machine so there was I being sworn for the stuff keep missing from his draw, what made it worse was that my eldest son and his family were visiting and it looked like they were fiddling now.
My 12yr old was calm and collected, still wanted me to call his friends mom for the friend to come over and visit.
I secretly took him aside and said I know he took the stuff he just looked at me and this is not the first time I' ve had to cover for his breaking my fiance' s stuff.
Why does he do this, I get so that I hate him at times especially when I get sworn and end up not speaking to my fiance for days.
I pointed out to my son that his causing problems and why is he doing this, he makes me out to be bad when I punish him, wont have anything to do with me screaming at me.
I just want him out of my sight now is this normal.I also buy him whatever he wants like takkies from Spitz etc which don' t come cheap, but only when he needs them as his known to loose things at school and doesn' t care to look for them.

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Our expert says:
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Sigh Your partner seems to be spoiling him and undermining any sense of discipline in the home. It is abusive to spoil a child, and to deny him a proper code of conduct, with clear conssequences for behaving well or badly. I wonder why your partner feels so driven to spoil the kid ? Is he trying to buy his affection ?
Immediately stop covering up for him --- that only reinforces the message he gets that he can and should get away with anything. STOP buying him whatever he wants. See a child psychologist who can assess the lad, and try to get your partner to join you to work out a JOINT program of discipline, rules and consequences for the buy. If he wants ANYTHING AT ALL, he must earn it by consistent good behaviour.
Why does he do this ? Because you and your partner are teaching him to do this, and rewarding him for doing it.
If he wants things, let him keep to the rules and do chores round the house to EARN money to buy what he wants --- then if he loses them, he'd have to work harder to earn to money to replace them --- I'll bet he wouldn't lose stuff so easily

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