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Question
Posted by: Amy | 2007/05/30

At what point do i call it quits?

I am 26 years old and have been with the same guy for 5 years. We got engaged about 9 months ago, but he avoids every idea or chat about getting married, setting a date or any type of commitment. I think he feels like if he gave me a ring, I would be satisfied and he would not loose me.

I recently moved overseas due to a company transfer, and our plan was always to go over together. However, when I got made the offer he decided to not come with me - for no reason at all. A few weeks after I left, he went overseas too, to another place apparently to be closer to me.

My issue is that he tells me all the time that I have abandoned him and he hardly bothers to call, sms or email. It always comes down to me doing all the work again.

I try really hard, sending him cards etc. I sent him a teddy bear last week and he didnt even bother to call and say he got it, he mentioned it like someone who says , 'I got flu'. Then yesterday I was having a really bad day and called him and he said he was having dinner, had better things to do and I must wait til he has time to call me whenever that might be..

What do I do. SHould I call off the engagement, should I break up with him- what????????? I have tried talking to him and it doesnt work, i need some advice, please.

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Our expert says:
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Relationship counselling ? Are you ven in the same place and able to do this at all ? If not, shouldn't the relationship / engagement be on hold until you can at least talk directly together ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: NURSE | 2007/05/31

Amy - sometimes people want out of a the situation that they are in and instead of being courageous enough to tell you that he, he turns the issue on you by blaming you. If loving and getting someone to love you, is like pulling hens teeth, then rather take the hint and move on. He obviously has but has but is appeasing his conscience by blaming you. You are going to need to be strong and as lonely as you may feel at times, know that there is someone out there worthy of your love - he is out there and still looking for you...Good luck girl

Reply to NURSE
Posted by: Zuzi | 2007/05/30

The saying says ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER, just think carefully

Reply to Zuzi
Posted by: Chelle | 2007/05/30

Strange how we sometimes need validation even when all the signs are there. It's hard to call it quits - but whatever you decide to do, I hope it all turns out well!

Reply to Chelle
Posted by: Amy | 2007/05/30

Hi Chelle - I think you told me what i am thinking! Thanks

Reply to Amy
Posted by: Chelle | 2007/05/30

He says you abandoned him, yet he decided not to go with you, even though he had at first said he would. Just because you were the one to up and go, doesn't mean you were the one who abandoned him. It seems he abandoned you too.

To add insult to injury, he then still moves, but to a different place.

He doesn't take your calls, he doesn't phone you, you're not sharing a life, he doesn't want to enter into any debate -I'd say it is at this point that you call it quits.

You haven't said one thing that he is doing to keep the relationship alive, and a relationship isn't something anyone can do alone, which is pretty much what you're currently trying to do!

Reply to Chelle
Posted by: ;-( | 2007/05/30

PLEASE do your self a favour and but the book "Why men Marry Bitches" by Sherry Argove, I swear it is the best R180 I have ever spent!

Reply to ;-(

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