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Question
Posted by: Ann | 2005/07/14

Arguments last a week.!


My b/friend is jealous/possesive and hides it most of the time. We have been living together for two years now and althoughit has gotten better through the year, lately he has started questioning me again. He had to go away on business, when he retured he asked me questions again. Why this, where did you go etc. WHat time did you get back. Now a week later we still arguing and not talking. He is so stubborn and will not give in. I always have to be the one who breaks the silence?

In my family if you cross you get it out the way by talking and even maybe shouting, but the next day its over. He cant even talk it out and say like "listern Im feeling insecure about bla bla bla..". Instead I have to come home to a silence. And guess what? Today I called him at work to ask if I should pick something nice up from the supermarket. I broke the silence. He does not know how maybe? I come from a close family and my folks are still together after 36 years. He comes from a divorced background and is divorced himself.

Any advice or am I hitting my head against a brick wall here? Maybe Im the one to blame?

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Our expert says:
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What's the point of keping a bf who is so mistrustful, and has such low self-esteem ? If he isn't prepare to see a counsellor and work on tis, why not rather leave him and wait for someone more stable ? You make a good point that he may not have learned how to handle these matters from his own ysfunctional family --- but then relationship counsellign is the only way likely to enable some improvement.

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: Funkydredz | 2005/07/15

Ann, i'm so glad you highlighted this problem. i thought i was the only one suffering because my man is jelous. the thing is, i've never given him any reason to be jealous, he is the one who has been untrustworthy in the past. about a year ago, i read one of his cell phone bills. 99% of the calls were to some girl!! when i confronted him, he claimed they were just friends. he had recently transferred to another town, so this girl was the only person he knew. i told him to stop calling her. it was hard for me to trust him after that. he moved back to the town where i work this year and we stay together. after work, he goes out to his friends and only comes home to sleep. he says it's because i scream at him all the time, but i scream because he is never there! we were not talking for a week because of one of these arguments, and i was the one to break the silence last night! i have suggested counselling but he says he wont go there. i'm now on anti-depressants and my self esteem is so low. even though people tell me i'm beautiful, i don't believe them because my bf doesn't even want to have sex with me unless i initiate it.i wish i can leave him because i know i don't deserve this treatment, but i keep hoping things will get better.

Reply to Funkydredz
Posted by: fossyy | 2005/07/14

Your not the one to blame. He may also feel embarrassed for his assumptions. He already is insecure and showing you his jealousy side will make him more insecure. How about couple thereapy to help him learn how to move past these arguements? With myself sometimes I just wished my guy would just leave me after my jealous episodes because I am embarrassed and I don't hink it will ever change. We have been together for 6 years. It just makes me feel more small after I realize what an a-- I made of myself.

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