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Question
Posted by: Sourface | 2004/10/29

arguments

Me and my partner moved in together probably 4months ago and we've been together now for 9months.

We connect at all levels and balance each other out on many things... one flaw we have is the way we fight/argue and that we don't listen/undertstand each other when we argue.

We throw harsh words at each other, we tend to end up arguing about issues outside of the topic at hand...we just continuosly stray out of hand... and this ends up not solving anything!

We end up being more angry and more resentful than we started off, we fight everyday for simple useless things... he calls me "over-sensive" and I strike back with harsh words to defend myself.

Last night we had a simple fight and the same thing happened we said bad things and we ended up decided to break up.. we did not sleep the whole night trying to understand/solve why we are the way we are to each other. We decided not to break up and teach ourselves new ways to help us out of our dilemma/s.

Doc and everyone... please help us know how to fight/argue correctly.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I used to find in mariage / relationship counselling, it was worth devoting at least a couple of sessions to how to fight and quarel productively. Everybody fights, but it can be fair, and productive, rather than inevitably destructive. See a counsellor, together !

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: phindi | 2004/10/29

that also used happen to me and my hubby,

the only solution is to sit down, try and see where the main problem comes from and who started it, then you can solve it with no harshness in between, a good couple need not fight always coz it ruins both your reputation and your respect and dignity.

listen to each other and be submissive to one another.

good luck!!!!!!!

Reply to phindi
Posted by: Beyond Tired | 2004/10/29

Glad you guys want to work on it, that's the start. When argueing don't go into defence/attack mode, try to be objective and think before you say. This is very difficult, we as humans always automatically go into defense/attack mode, especially if we feel we are being attacked on a personal level.

Whatever you guys do, do not go to sleep angry at one another, try to resolve it and try also to stick to the subject, never bring up the past arguments and don't throw back accusations of the past mistakes. Each argument is fresh and new, tackle it as such and remember to "love" one another, in this it will mean you don't want to hurt each other. Couples counselling can also help you resolve issues. Maybe there is something you are holding back from each other, so talk openly and honestly to each other.

Good luck
Take Care.

Reply to Beyond Tired
Posted by: Cat | 2004/10/29

Sounds corny but visit Dr Phil's website. Go to Relationships he has a section on arguing (How to fight fair). It helped us.

Reply to Cat

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