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Question
Posted by: THABA | 2004/11/24

argument with hubby

Hi Doc, help me , this is the worst day of life,

i woke up early being happy, then i went to work and things were good, then i said ag let me phone hubby and say hallo as he works somewhere far from where we stay,

i told him something about our budget this month and it was not a big issue that he can become angry with me,
he strated telling me that 'im lier, he sweared on me i never believed it, he even told me that i m having affiars where i stay of which is very wrong, he droped the phone while i was talking to him.

so i also got angry and i toldhim that he must marry someone whom he should shout not me, and that i nolonger want anything to do with him. oHHHHHH my god i feel like crying.

what's wrong with life people,today i'm happy tomorrow i'm sad oh i'm so worried i' don't know what he's thinking right now coz i phoned three times but he just can't talk to me, he leaves it to ring

tell me what to do urgenlty before i loose him i love him so much he 's my only one in my heart how do i talk with him coz i sent sms he won'tr eply/ ohhhh help before my boat sinks

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Gosh, Thaba, what a horrible experience ! How rude he was. I wonder what else may be happening at his end, to have made him get so angry, so very easily. Like Zee, I feel that when someone suddenly accuses you of having affairs, with no reason for doing so, it often means that they are. This could be part of just extreme jealousy, but from how you describe it, it sounds as if this was an unusual and unexpected thing, rather than just his usual suspicious behavior.
As Lee says, he could also be severely under stress at work, and like a lightning conductor on a house, you collected the lightning, though you did not cause it.
You were right to be asertive and to defend yourself. Wait a little while if he's not answering the phone now ( is there someone else you know, where he is, who you could call, who could bring or call him to the phone ? ) Tell him, when you can, and it sounds as if you have already told him in an SMS< that you love him, as you have told us, and let him cool off and contact you again. this isn't likely to be the end of a relationship.

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Our users say:
Posted by: hubbie | 2004/11/25

everybody is tired this time of year. I dont know what he does for a living but maybe you caught him at the end of his tether.
I believe stress etc is a big problem. I have been on anti depressants for 2 weeks now(a small dose) and am feeling better already. Maybe after speaking to a councellor you might use it. - my opinion

Reply to hubbie
Posted by: John Do | 2004/11/24

I agree with Babe,I'm that type of husband,very jealous and I don't fool around at all.

Reply to John Do
Posted by: Ms Thang | 2004/11/24

Maybe hubby feels he can't trust you - you may have not been trustworthy before. This, together with work stress as well as the difficult situation where you are not together could all add to his saying what he did.

Good luck, hope you get it sorted out.

Reply to Ms Thang
Posted by: Kernel | 2004/11/24

I agree that he is standing behind the door and now he is looking to find you there - seen it too many times to just ignore it.

Find out what he is up to - only then you can do something about it.

Reply to Kernel
Posted by: Tiny | 2004/11/24

Sorry Lee, its not about being negetive and feeding someone lies like you do, Its about telling the person the TRUTH and its up to her how she handles it.

Truth hurts in the short term but in the long term you realise that it saved ur life.

If the HUbby is stressed at work , WHY WOULD HE ACCUSE HER OF HAVING AN AFFAIR?.

To Babe: Why would Hubby all of a sudden be jelous after a phone call. THABA did not indicate that the Hubby had a jelousy problem all the time. I tend to disagree with u.

I rather be honest with THABA, than to tell her something she want to hear, so as to make her feel better. Its up to her to decide what to do.

Reply to Tiny
Posted by: Lee | 2004/11/24

Sorry ladies, I don't agree with you on this one. I think you need to find out if something is happening at work. He probably is stressed out with something that happened at work and you called to remind him about finances and this may have been the last thing on his mind. Unfortunately (I am sure there are lots of ladies who will agree) husbands often take out their frustations on the one closest and that is the wife. I don't think it means he loves you any less you may just have called at the wrong time. Give him time to calm down and give yourself time to calm down then call him later (maybe tomorrow) and give him an oppertunity to explain. I am sure that it will sort itself out. And to the other ladies out there when one is feeling like Thaba is feeling right now you don't want someone giving you negative information you want some positive. So lets try to be positive and help each other.

Reply to Lee
Posted by: Babe | 2004/11/24

YOU ARE ALL WRONG it does not meen if he is accusin you that he is having one maybe he is just a very jealous person - and has to still learn what trust is

Reply to Babe
Posted by: Paul | 2004/11/24

I agree with Zee also.

Reply to Paul
Posted by: CK | 2004/11/24

Zee is right, he is probably having an affair, he cant accuse you of having one, men are like babies they cant handle things, I bet the other woman is starting to make demands your husband cant meet. And his all stressed out, and guess what he takes it all on you.

You are not the problem here sweetheart he is. so dont beat yourself up. Everything is starting to catch up with him now.

Reply to CK
Posted by: Zee | 2004/11/24

There is definately something wrong with ur Hubby and have all reasons to be worried

One word of advice: IF SOMEONE START ACCUSING YOU OF HAVING AN AFFAIR OUT OF BLUE, THAT MEANS HE IS PROBABLY HAVING ONE", and he think everyone is like him.

I think ur hubby is having an affair, and see you and ur marriage as a threat/hindrance.

Just do ur own investigation, but I can put a bet on this one

Reply to Zee

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