Posted by: MariN | 2012/01/26


Hi There

My boyfriend and I have been dating for over 2yrs now, he never takes part in solving problems, would rather just ignore it and 90% of the time he would twist what I say into judgmental and hurtful words. Whenever I try to talk about the situation/apologize for something that was really my mistake, it would annoy him as if he can''t accept that I''ve realized my mistake so soon. Whenever he made a mistake, he''d always find a way to make it seem like I was the one who started the problem.

To top it all, when he becomes ignorant, that''s when I loose my temper and we''d end up saying things we don''t mean. In general i''m a very soft hearted person and its very easy to hurt my feelings, and when this happens, i''m not afraid to show it, where he is the same, but manages to hide his feelings very well and still make himself seem like a very hard person.

Is there any advise you can give on how to solve the argument from my side, in a more silent and less violent way, to tame my temper when things come to boiling point?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageBehaviour modification

You need to deal with the issues before they reach boiling point. Not when there is so much emotional charge that you boil over. If this relationship is valuable to you and you see it as a possible life long commitment you should consider couple therapy as the two of you need to learn how to communicate. Imago Therapy is one type of intervention that works well. Relationships are about two people. There is little point "fixing" one of you if the other one is still behaving the same way. Sooner or later you too will revert back to old patterns. If your partner isn't interested in therapy you should think hard about whether or not you want to stay with someone who is willing to let you take the fall for your partnership.

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