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Posted by: Mick | 2004/11/04

Are your parents open to you?

Hi, i just wanted to know if your guys/girls parents are open to you about sex etc.Have you been told about sex or learned about it from friends, the tv,books or at school?

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Posted by: Nuffing | 2004/11/09

I am a fairly shy and reserved person but I have decided to be upfront and honest with my children.

They are still young (3 and 5), but if they ask me anything I answer as honestly as possible, while keeping the info to their level of understanding at the moment.

They know about pads and tampons (although they call them 'mommy's nappies') and they know about my vagina, which they pronounce 'bagina'. I started calling it a 'baby hole' initially...

They don't know about sex per se, but I have explianed that the dad's puts the baby in the mom's tummy, through the baby hole, and I think that's enough for now, unless they ask further.

I also explained about blood and discharge etc.
They also know all about breastfeeding.

I dress and undress in front of them and I want them to know that bodies and nakedness in natural and not in anyway shameful.

I have always let them touch and explore their own bodies, and just explained that it's a private thing so it's for the bedroom or bathroom.

I have also been careful to explain about 'good touches' and 'bad touches' and that they mustn't allow anyone to touch them in a way that doesn't feel good to them.

I think the most important thing when discussing sensitive topics with children is to keep frank and honest and never react in a shocked or horrified way. Also to talk on the child's level and not confuse them or scare them with more than they wanted. Let them guide the conversation.

Reply to Nuffing
Posted by: Liberated mom | 2004/11/08

I am a single parent, raised my son alone since he was 4. He is now 15, and very informed. Sex education should start AT HOME when the child is small, and grow with him/her (some facts of life should be explained according the the age and stage of development of the child).

Example: when he was about 5, my son asked me about the tampons in the bathroom cupboard and I simply said it was something moms used once a month, but he would never need it. When he was 11, he came home one day, joking about this girl in class who had blood on her clothes, and I explained menstruation to him. I think at that stage he was the only boy in class who understood what happened to the poor girl.

The subject of masturbation came up when he was about 6/7 and I saw him playing with himself one day. I didn't think it would do any good to make an issue of it, so I just told him that he should do it in private, since touching yourself and discovering your body is a private matter. We discussed masturbation in detail when he was about 11/12.

Though he has always known the basic facts of life (where babies came from, etc.), we recently had an in-depth discussion on sex. He came to me with the question: "Is it acceptable to have sex when you're a teenager?" He is 15 now and I thought he was ready for the whole boogaloo, so I told him EVERYTHING he wanted to know. (There was a couple of awkward questions from his side, like what does sex feel like to a girl, but I tried to ignore my embarressment and answer him as honestly as possible).

Moral of the story - most parent feel embarressed talking to their kids about sex, but I still feel it's every parent's duty. If you don't have such an open relationship with them, please do not ask your friends - most of them have no idea what they are talking about (same as you) even if the pretend to be experts on the subject. Ask your questions on-line or ask any adult you can trust!

Good luck.

Reply to Liberated mom
Posted by: TSS | 2004/11/05

Hi Jenny,
My son never asked me anything, I just notice one day that he is walking with his hands in his pans, and at first I did not under stand why. Then later after a few weeks we went for take aways. I almost wanted to laugh out loud, but I kept it inside. So, starded talking and asking. At first he was shy, but after I started talking in you're youngsters terms he opend up. And he was only 10 at that time. So yes I spoke to him about mastrubation, cause don't we all try it some time in life. And you know what. After I spoke to him, he has never walked with his hands infront inside his pants. And I don't like that kids her about sex from kid, cause their make it out as a thing any body can do and sex is more than people relize it is.

Reply to TSS
Posted by: Depressed Matriculant | 2004/11/05

Hi guys,

My dad never spoke to me about sex and neither did my mom. I found out everything i know (believe me, I know a lot!!) from my friends and magazines. Magazines such as Cosmo are a great help. It gives you lots of handy tips that work (not that i ever had sex, just intense make-out sessions that went quite far). If you want your parents to talk to you about sex,i suggest you drop hints like "Mom/ Dad, today we had a someone come and talk to us about sex education in school. Id like to talk more about it with you when you have the time."

Reply to Depressed Matriculant
Posted by: Soslo | 2004/11/05

sure my parents are very open with me the problem is that im not open with them after all i am 17 and jus trying to carve out my identity

Reply to Soslo
Posted by: Jenny | 2004/11/04

Hi TSS
You are an amazing mum...very few mum's do this.My mum also did not tell me about sex, i picked it up from friends.By the way im 17 years old.What does your kid ask you?From when did you start telling him about sex...or did he ask you first?

Reply to Jenny
Posted by: TSS | 2004/11/04

I always read what kids have to say about their life and parents. Let me tell you. I am a single mom and I am open to my son about sex, mastrubation, you name it. In fact I took my son for take aways and spoke to him from A-Z. And sometimes my son will ask me info. I believe it is every parents duty to tell their kids about sex, life extra. My son whome is 11 will ask me to come sit and chat with him while his in the bath, some times he will ask if he can chat with me while I bath, and never say no, I just pull the shower curt..... over the bath and we chat. But, to you kids, don't ask friend about sex, go read book about that topics if your parents is not open to you.

Reply to TSS
Posted by: PARIS | 2004/11/04

Dont worry Nick. Some parents are just like that. Dont hold it against them mate. Thats why there are forums such as this.

PARIS

XXX

Reply to PARIS
Posted by: Mick | 2004/11/04

Hi Paris; im 19 & my parents told me nothing.I found out from friends.

Reply to Mick
Posted by: PARIS | 2004/11/04

Im 25 and my parents never spoke to me about it. I learnt from my sisters as well as my friends.

PARIS
XXX

Reply to PARIS

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