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Posted by: Kel | 2006/11/06

Any success stories?

I posted my problem a couple of weeks ago, my husband had an affair and I am 16 weeks pregnant. I am seeing a counceller on my own and with my husband.

Is there anyone out there with success stories on their marraige working after an affair has taken place?

Please advise?

Kel

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Our users say:
Posted by: Happy Again | 2006/11/21

Only read the message now - hope you get it!
My husband also had an affair 3 years ago and I honestly thought that I would never be happy again. Today I am as happy as before the affair happened and I have forgiven my husband. It was extremely hard to deal with it and we went for marriage counselling for a full year. My husband answered all my questions, even more than a year after the affair. He did everything I asked him to - gave me his password to check his cellphone account etc. Initially I didn't trust him, but I promise you it gets better with time. I do not believe "once a cheat always a cheat". We are all individuals and to say that someone who made a mistake will continue making the same mistake, is just plain stupid. I wish you all the best and I really hope your marriage will make it. We just celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary and I am really happy with my decision to stay. I do believe that YOU must be 100% convinced that he regrets every moment of the affair and it is also very important to try and understand why it happened. Good luck!

Reply to Happy Again
Posted by: Nia | 2006/11/07

Kel, yes, there are success stories, but it takes very hard work from both you and your husband's sides. Unfortunately my own story is not a success story, but it could have been if he had it in him to forgive me for what I have done.

Firstly, your hubby must be sorry about what happened, and he must be commited to show you that you can trust him. He must live a completely open life and he must allow you access to everything. If he is commited to make it work there is chance of fixing it.

Secondly, you must both try to discover why the affair happened. He must have been unhappy in the marriage before, and therefore you need to determine why he was so unhappy, and together you have to do something to fix that.

Thirdly, you must be able and willing to forgive him and love him. Show him that you love him and that you want him, even if you are mad at him. He needs to feel loved and accepted but he must know that you do not approve of his deeds and that you will not tolerate it a second time. You do not have to trust him right now, but if he proofs that you can, then you should one day be able to do that again.

My story ... I had an affair. Afterwards I was really sorry and I did my best to show him that I am sorry and commited. I never cheated again but he could never forgive me and he could never show his love again, and so two years later I divorced him. If he was as commited as I was to work on it and love one another and if he could forgive me for it I am sure that it could have worked. But he could not.

I am now happily married to a sweet man that I met after I got divorced and I will never cheat on him.

You must not beleive the myth about "once a cheater always a cheater". That is not always true, and in my case it definitely is not. I learned from my mistakes and I will never again do it. Give your hubby that one chance. If he then cheats again, then leave him.

I also know about two success stories. A friend of mine cheated on her hubby 6 years ago. He found out, but he told her that he loves her and that he does not want to lose her. They worked through their problems and today they are the happiest couple I know. They even had a second child and she will also never again cheat on her husband.

You can work through it and make it work if both of you really want to.

Reply to Nia
Posted by: hate affairs | 2006/11/07

I was married 3 years ago, with no kids, and my husband had an affair with another married woman. We went for counsilling, I begged him to stop the affair, gave him toooo many chances, etc. Kel, the lies will NEVER stop!!
I couldn't forgive/forget all the hurt & heart sore that he has caused and coudn't trust him. I lost all my respect for him. A couple of months later, I filed for divorced and today he and his "stukkie" are married (she also divorced her husband). Sad, sad story... and it hurt/destroyed me for the rest of my life..

Reply to hate affairs
Posted by: Jacky | 2006/11/06

Hi,

My hubby also had an affair while I was pregnant, I think what is important is how he behaved after you discovered , if his even willing to go for counsilling with you, he value his family gal, don't be too hard on him give him another chance

Yes your marriage can survive this affair only if you want it to and also his commited to regain your trust.

it's good that you're going for counsilling on your own too. Stay strong

Reply to Jacky
Posted by: Sg | 2006/11/06

Yes there are success stories but it takes a lot of hard work and forgiveness to earn that trust again.It will always be a tough road to follow.

Reply to Sg

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