Posted by: Anxious | 2004/10/12

Anxiety caused by fear of rejection

I made the unfortunate mistake of going into business with a good friend. At some stage it seems she decided that she no longer wanted to be in business with me but believed that she was being kind by not telling me this but instead slowly taking all her things home and gradually distancing herself from it. During this two month period I experienced subtle rejection from her at least twice a day. Things had gone from me feeling totally accepted and comfortable at her house and in her presence to feeling totally unwanted and rejected. But, being an accommodater I "successfully" managed to put myself through that rejection daily and every time I attempted to salvage our friendship to the point where my husband asked me "Why do you keep doing this to yourself?" Eventually, when I called a meeting to discuss and strategise the way forward as the business obviously started taking strain, she stated that she didn't believe it was a worthwhile venture anymore and didn't see her way clear to continue for another month. I stated that I certainly do still want to attempt to make a success of it but don't hold it against her that she wishes to withdraw before her investment depreciates any further. I agreed to see if I could raise the money to pay her out cash but in the old end I wasn't in the position to do so and we ended up splitting the assetts of the business equally and I offered to pay her for the CC and carry the financial expenses of a CC. and we disolved our partnership over an excruciating 3 hours in which I was accused of all sort of underhanded behaviour. After that session, I vowed NEVER to put myself through that again. We met the next day to divide and haven't interacted with each other since. The problem is the immense axiety I experience of any chance of seeing them in town. They live in the same suburb as us and belong to the same church and so the axiety is at times unbearable and I couldn't fathom the reason for it and yet I realised last night that I believe it is the simple fear of experiencing that rejection, as it is clear in her response to us when seeing us that she has cut us out of her life and I'm ok with that, I don't have a desire to rekindle the friendship but I don't like the way I feel when driving past or seeing them in passing. As my husband says, I don't like the way I feel when I see them so I will avoid them. But we can't live our lives like that avoiding living our lives in case our paths should cross. I know this has been a long story but I need help in handling my fear of rejection and ever growing anxiety.

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Our expert says:
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Who would you want to "salvage the friendship" with someone who has been so deceitful and unworthy of your friendship ? She obviously failed to put any real sincere effort into the business venture, and in the end received out of it far more than she deserved. Let her go, you're well rid of her.

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Our users say:
Posted by: L | 2004/10/12

I know that in my head and asked myself this morning, you have experienced the ultimate rejection by being cut out of her life so why do you become anxious when you see her. I know there probably isn't an answer or solution and uncomfortable situations as these are part of life but I don't like feeling this way and I suppose I'm afraid my anxiety will become unnatural to the point of me now wanting to leave town. Thanks for your help

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