Posted by: Simon | 2009/08/03

antisocial personality disorder

A while back I acqainted myself with someone whom I beleive to suffer from anti social personality disorder.

He does not interact with society in a normal way and keeps to himself, pretty much the whole time. The only exposure he has to others is when they visit him of if he invites them. He has very superficial relationships with these people to and I believe he leads a very lonely life.

I care very much for him and believed (at one point) that he respected me similarly, but I realised in time that he had lied to me about simple things - of which nothing much mattered but simple things went one to become much more pressing matters (he told me he had cancer when he did not). And initially I thought he was perhaps a pathological liar, but the more I tried to research his behaviour the more I believe he suffers from ASPD. He is very manipulative and doesn' t care much for others and will lie shamelessly to get what he wants or sometimes just lies for the fun it seems.

I feel sorry for this person but realised that he does not see things the same way - he seems quite content with his behaviour. To protect myself from his lies and deception I distanced myself from him but would like to help him.

I' ve read many articles on such behaviour of people who lie pathologically and the main theme throughout was that if these people do not wish to be helped then it is better to let things be and cut them from your life. I find this very sad, but can easily do this as an unpleasant situation arose between me and him due to his lying.

Is there any approach I can take to help this person - I' m thinking of asking him whether he thinks he has a problem but have in the past done so and this was not met with a kind response. The trust between us is not what it should be between friends.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

The person you descib does indeed sound antisocial. YOu don't need to feel sorry for him--- with such a person, it's usually other people who bear the burden of his disorder. As you said --- he is content.
It will be impossible for you to help him. Such people can only be helped, if at all, by highly skilled therapy by a fully qualified therapist, and then only if the person recognizes that they have a problem and sincerely wants to change.
What you are finding sad isn't his state --- mhe is content --- but that you are having to recognize the gulf between who you thought he was and could be, and who he actually was and is.
The more important question now, is why you feel so driven to try to help someone who does notwant help, and does not even need the sort of help you could offer. You can only make yourself vulnerable to being hurt. Why do you feel he has to be helped, and that you have to do it ?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: stef | 2009/08/11

You should be ashamed of yourself, there were other options like divorce, and to say it like that, i feel sory for you

Reply to stef
Posted by: Lizard | 2009/08/07

I would say from personal experience that you should leave this man alone. He sounds just like the man I married 54 years ago. I was only 18 and loved him and was determined to make him happy. The saddest part of it for me was that he tried to make me antisocial too. I eventually became estranged from my whole family and all my former friends. Whenever I have made friends with someone he has caused problems. Now he is dying and although I am caring for him night and day he is still trying to manipulate me and is accusing me of having affairs with other men. I still feel sorry for him in his misery but I wait for him to die so that I can have a few years of happiness.

Reply to Lizard

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