Posted by: blom | 2009/07/14

anti social behaviour

I know my boyfriend 4 years now and noticed on a few occasions that he withdraws himself from a group whether it be at a party or just an informal gathering of friends and family. He is generally a happy chappy but at times he can be a introvert. To me that is abnormal behaviour. At a recent occassion he did the same and everyone tried to get him out of his shell but to no avail and later he claimed he has a headache and went to bed(while the party was going on). The next day he is back to normal and everything' s fine again.He has such a lot of good qualities and when we' re alone he treats me like a princess but I think he needs help. Any advice?

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Our expert says:
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Well, it might be abnormal for YOU to do it, if this is not your style, but there's no reason to assume it is abnormal when HE does it. have you discussed this with him ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: JP | 2009/07/15

I act the same way, and although I won' t go as far as to say that we do it for the same reasons, here' s at least why I do it:

I just couldn' t be bothered to take part in conversations that are obviously meaningless. I also can' t stand the little groups that form at parties and the way they look at you. It just reminds one of high school cliques. I tend to enjoy a party where there isn' t loud music and the conversation topic is something interesting like technology (not cellphones and XBoxes), politics, cars or basically anything that one can express an opinion about or produce an argument for, ie a conversation where everyone is an active participant as opposed to passive listeners.

Usually at parties you will have a bunch of school/varsity friends reminiscing about the good old days and making in-jokes, which means you are excluded unless you happened to attend the same institutions.

I can offer a possible solution though: next time you go to a party, let the host (the guy whose house it' s at) know roughly what your boyfriend is interested in or is quite good at and have him invite people with similar tastes. He should also try to make the effort to introduce him to them and tell them about their shared interests.

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