Posted by: Spiderman | 2007/03/21


Hallo. Me again with yet a another dilemma. I don¡¯t know what to feel how to feel and when to feel right now. So if you followed my postings this would make sense.

A couple of months ago I went to Bronx (a gay club in Cape Town) with my boyfriend. In Bronx that night my boyfriend saw one of his friends ( I also knew the guy¡¦we use to work together) [ I also know the guys boyfriend¡¦the boyfriend also worked with me]

That night I asked my boyfriend how does he know him¡¦he then said that he met him in Bronx one night.

So about an hour ago I went to go visit someone and this ¡®friend¡¯ that my boyfriend saw at the club that nights boyfriend was at this girl I visited. We we¡¯re laughing about how crazy and full of energy I was that night. We then chatted about my boyfriend¡¦the friends boyfriend told me all about my boyfriend. He said that his boyfriend and him didn¡¯t meet my boyfriend at Bronx but at The Hot House (a place in Cape Town where gay gays go to have sex) and he explained to me about how they met in the steam room and he told me that my boyfriend has a big Penis and that I must be careful about him because my boyfriend and his boyfriend had a private affair and my boyfriend is the reason why they almost broke up.

So what do I do now I did SMS him:

Hallo >name<..I¡¯m kinda angry. Someone told me about how you and >name< met and how you guys had a skelm relationship and they told me about you at the hothouse¡¯s steamroom and I think we NEED to talk.

That do I need to do¡¦maybe I should have brought this up¡¦maybe it something from his past¡¦but how do I know that his not at the HotHouse now.

Like tonight he said his going to visit his aunt and he didn¡¯t see me on Tuesday¡¦because he said his working late and on Monday he said his going to stay at home to watch T.V???

M Y B I G G E S T FEAR is to be alone.

I don¡¯t have a car. So my therapist said that I should go out alone¡¦take a taxi like at 7pm on a Friday and start partying on my own¡¦and then just take a mini bus taxi home in the morning at about 5. or I might just rent a room at one of the backpackers it goes like for R80 per night.

Got to go now.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageGay, lesbian and bisexual expert

Hi Spiderman, as always...

Mmmmmmmm.... try not to over-play this scenario, M? You're not too good at playing the innocent victim role I'm afraid so rather do a bit of reality testing (which I know you're very capable of) without the 'manipulation' sauce. Using your boyfriend as a defense against your fear of being alone or rejected is pure nonsense - and I know that you know that too. Sometimes a plain, honest, no-frills hamburger is better than one coated in a cheap, fake sauce.

Stop blaming your boyfriend and eat what you ordered.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Deeve | 2007/03/22

Hey Spidy, What's up man....? Your life seems way too full of drama lately..? You're also not enjoying/coping with all the drama either, or I guess you wouldn't be chatting here with us about it..?
Maybe this is just the writing on the wall...? I sense that you need to have a long affair with yourself for a while, and really get used to being alone, and 'happy' with your OWN company. You're still very young Spidy......and if you don't get a grip on these insecurities etc that are consuming you right now, you're never going to have a good time. You can 'beat' anything if you put your mind to go for it!

Some Guys do cheat, but you can't paint everyone with the same brush. Why are his buddies spreading these 'simple minded' rumours etc...? You should try not to listen to them anyway...they're all just trying to set you up by the sounds of things.
I recon your Therapist knows better...and it's time to take a rain check for a while my friend. Time to find some permanent Buddies to hang around with.....then you won't be lonely. Boyfriend issues seem to be seriously confusing and consuming you right now. I'm afraid it's all up to you to decide... Best of luck.

Reply to Deeve
Posted by: Lady Leah | 2007/03/22

in my opinion- I would say this man is cheating on you...

Why else would not mind spending 3 nights away form you?????????

If you really care about someone, not seeing them would drive you up the wall...

I think you should find yourself a man that will appreciate a good thing when he sees it....

So for now go out and there and enjoy yourself.

You will never know when love will come knocking on your door when your not looking........ hmmmmmmmmm

Good luck!!! :-)

Reply to Lady Leah

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