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Question
Posted by: weird | 2007/04/30

Anger/Frustration or legit

My story is complicated.

I was molested at 8 and because no-one believed me way back when I became an angry teenager and even young adult.

I was then in an abusive marriage.

I got divorced and went for therapy.

My therapist told me I no longer needed couselling because I was probably the most sane person she ever met.

OK. Now I have a problem.

I have always been close to my father who is now suffering a dibilitating disease.

He is in hospital and very weak.

My mother and I have always had issues and they stem from us being too similar in personality.

My sister is a trained therapist and irritates the living daylights outa me (that is saying it politely) because everytime you show an emotion she says - well reacting aggressively or taking that tone really won't work it just shows emotion and you get nowhere on emotion blah blah blah.

The problem I have is - my father is really ill - he is in a state hospital - second one.

First state hospital - he was transferred to second after 4 months of non-treatment and me finally losing my cool and saying HPCSA and I want a diagnosis etc.

Now second state hospital - he had an op (recomended) and was doing well after 2 days - 3rd day - he went back to depression and just wanting to see a doctor and get a diagnosis.

7 days later - I find out today that he doesn't have a state doctor assigned to him - only nursing staff have looked after him since his op - no doctor. I am so annoyed and feel like screaming at someone and my mother and sister tell me I have an attitude problem.

I should accept that this is how things go in a state hospital.

My father is of the impression he is dying so tonight he told my mother that she needs to pay for me to study further. He told he my sister wasted years not studying while he paid and I am doing well and want to study further so she must pay the fees.

My mother said well they paid for me to do a years college course so she won't pay.

He told her to please not argue and just pay.

Long story - I didn't know what I wanted to study but had to get some qualification so I chose a year course - I was already working - I was told it wasn't a university degree so if I paid the fees my parents would give me spending money and pay my rent for the year - if I failed the course I would have to pay the money back.

My sister got 3 years at university fully paid rent spending money and tuition and she hadn't passed her first year at the end of that.

I understood what my father said (though I don't need them to pay) and my mothers attitude annoyed me.

I don't understand my fathers treatment in hospital and want to do enquiries.

I am so upset because my mother and sister block me education wise and fulfilling his wishes and getting him adequate treatment.

I don't know how to approach them without losing my cool or how to not feel angry at what I deem to be their inconsideration of me.

They both expect me to take care of family finance and legal paperwork but they disregard my opinion when I have something to say about my fathers wishes and treatment.

How can I handle this being sympathetic to my fathers condition and not completely disresoectful to my mother and sister.

I feel like I am going insane trying to consider everyone and I don't know how to keep my natural feeling of victimisasion to a minimum

Any advice?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Maybe you need to stop trying so hard to consider everyone else, and consider primarily ourself ? If your sister is a lousy "therapist" making such fatuous remarks, she may as well be ignored, as she surely isn't being useful in that way. It's awful to hear about your father --- I know from personal experience that conditons and standards in far too many state hospitals can be absolutely deplorable, and one can only complain to the MEC "responsible" for health care in your area. Standards in private hospitals aren't necesarily enormously better. But if your father had an operation, whichever doc did it had a binding professional responsibility to continue to see him for follow-up until the condition was resolved, or the HPCSA ought to be interested in what's happening

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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