Posted by: Ex girfriend now concerned... | 2005/12/07

Anger management


O.K. Where do I begin. I have been involved with someone for 5 months who also happens to be my friend and collegue for over 2 years.

The way we got together was like a fairytale. However, over the last 2-3 months I have seen a side of him emerge that scares me. He has serious anger management issues.

It is like a typical Dr. Jeckyl / Mr. Hyde phenomenon. He is a sweet and calm puppy 60% of the time but on the other end he looses his cool very quickly and in a big way.

He suffers from BAD roadrage & gets very angry over the smallest things. On two occasions he has stopped the car in peak traffic (with me inside) and proceeded to verbally attack the other drivers (one of them was a woman) at the top of his voice. Two nights ago he verbally attacked a 60- year old shop owner and his wife and threatened to "slap the old man accross his face" for taking too long with our pizza!

The above are just small examples of how angry he is at the world.

I am a very calm and laid-back woman and don't let things bother me like it does him. He dismisses his attitude as "idealistic". I was thinking about it last night and decided to leave him.

Am I making the right choice? Above everything he is my friend and I want to help him deal with his anger because I know that deep down inside he is a great man.

He grew up in a broken home (mother drinker, father abusive) and was bullied badly at school and by his brother. Later in life, religion was forced upon him, confusing him even more.

Please help. My boss as well as other staff feel that he should seek help. Ofcourse, he refuses...What can I do to help him let go of all this hate because it is consuming him.

Your help would be greatly appreciated.


Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Aspects of his background may accoun for part of this, as well as other factors such as stress ( at work or elsewhere in his life ). But he does indeed sound as though he seriously needs to see a good local shrink for a proper assessment of this symptom, and for treatment to learn how to avoid such episodes which are not merely unpleasant for him and others, but potentially dangerous, ditto.
The trouble will be that of course there is no way of helping until he recognizes that he does have a problem here, and until he seeks help and sincerely and actively works with the shrink. Apart from yourself urging him to get the help he deserves, Pop's suggestion is a good one to see if someone he respects and listens to, will make the same suggestion

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Pop | 2005/12/07

He sound a lot like me, I have done the same and even worse, got out of my car with my wife still in the car and kicked another guys car door a dent in, I only realised a week ago that I have problems that I need to resolve and will be starting counselling soon...
only he can realise that he has a problem, no matter what you do nothing will make him change...
I suggest going to someone who he has a lot of respect for and asking them to speak to him, dont let him know what you doing that will just make him more angry...its difficult to admit that your wrong....
Try to help him before giving up....

Reply to Pop
Posted by: ... | 2005/12/07

if he refuses to go for help, then you should leave... as time goes by there is a big chance that this anger would be directed towards you... he might not have done it yet... but your relationship is still relatively young... and one day.. you will do something that he doesn't approve of (even a small thing)... and that will be the start of a very difficult time.......

Reply to ...

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.