Posted by: Niknaks | 2009/04/08

Angel of death

I feel that every time I get close to someone , that person dies.
I' ve been to more funerals that a person should go to in a lifetime.To mention a few...
My grandma died when I was six , with whom I spent most of my early childhood years.Then my other grandma died three years later .My dad died when I was only 16 and in the next 5 years my aunt and uncle .A few years ago , I met the love of my life , we knew each other for only six wonderful weeks , but I unfortunately had to leave for a a month to sort out some bussiness.I spoke to him the Tuesday night and I remember thinking that how incredibly happy and blessed I am and that my " curse"  must have ended but then I got a call early Thursday morning....he died the previous night in a car accident .Since then a colleague I' ve worked very close with for a year also died , she was only 24.A few months ago a friend also commited suicide.
I can' t manage to form meaningful relationships anymore , the thought that a person might die is always in the back of my head if I' ll get to close and that I' m somehow responsible .I know you are going to say that I' m not responsible but I can' t deal with all this grieve anymore so I keep a save distance.Please help!

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Our expert says:
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Grandparents are old, and thus more likely to die even while we are young. But yes, you have had more than your share of bereavements within recent years. But you are no angel of death, and I'm sure there are many other people you know who are very much alive and well. What is more realistic is the reaction you describe, in which you hesitate to love someone one, for fear of later losing them. As my friend Colin Murray-Parkes used to say ( he wrote some excellent stuff about bereavement ) grief is the price we pay for love. And I would add -- And it is a price well worth paying, however painful it is. DO see a personal counsellor to help you work through all this perhaps impacted grief, and to become free to love again, however cautiously.

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