Posted by: Lover | 2005/12/02

Anal sex

Hi Ladies,

Do you & your partners also do anal sex? My gf loves it, yet I cant seem to get the dildo in there as she says it is too painfull, I use allot of lube so not sure how else, id really like to use other things than my fingers? Any advice?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageGay, lesbian and bisexual expert

Hi Lover and welcome to our forum. Your post should possibly be addressed to the Sexology forum.

Anal sex is enjoyed by everyone - men and women, gay and straight.

Two points: 1) The dildo may be a bit large or 'intimidating' for your partner, and 2) the missing ingredient could be relaxation. In order to accept anal penetration comfortably your partner's inner sphincter muscle will need to be relaxed. This will require that she feels psychologically relaxed as well. She may feel more relaxed and confident knowing that she is thoroughly clean (having douched and showered) and you need to spend more time in preparing her anus for penetration through gentle teasing and foreplay, and constantly reassuring her to keep her feeling psychologically comfortable.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Lover | 2005/12/07

No not at all candy, its really your choice, toys are great but we dont use them everytime, makes sex more exciting! Enjoy & dont worry, when I was younger I vowed never to use toys as I didnt feel I needed them, but they are actually quiet fun when I started...

Reply to Lover
Posted by: Candy | 2005/12/07

Hi my gf & i we like using only our fingers & obviously oral sex , is there something wrong if we only do it this way & not use dildo's?

Reply to Candy
Posted by: Tammycdtv | 2005/12/06

My apologies - evidently I confused the two.

From Wikipedia :

Ben Wa balls (also known as Burmese bells) are small, marble-sized metal balls, usually hollow and containing a small weight that rolls around — used for massage and meditation purposes as well as female masturbation. Some may also be solid, or contain clappers or chimes within; other larger versions made of plastic encasing lesser balls are called Duotone balls. There is also a pair consisting of one containing a drop of mercury and the other, a tiny vibrating metal tongue, giving a uniquely erotic sensation even at the slightest movement of hips or legs.

Ben Wa balls are said to originate in Japan where they were called Rin No Tama ('tinkling bells') and were made either of metal or ivory. Originally they were a single ball placed in the vagina used to enhance the act of coitus, but shortly evolved into multiple metal covered balls linked by either a chain or silk string for easy removal. Usage of Ben Wa balls create a subtle stimulation, not meant to bring the user to immediate orgasm but rather to tease. Women can "wear" Ben Wa balls all day, or use them while seated in a rocking chair, for a pleasurable effect.

At the end of the sixteenth century, Ralph Fitch, an English traveller, encountered them in the Shan States of Burma. He described their use there by men. Less than a dozen years later, the Florentine merchant Francesco Carletti also reported their use in Thailand, where they were used to enlarge the male member.

Ben Wa balls may also be used to simply increase the strength of the pelvic floor muscles, much as Kegel exercises are used today. Similar to Kegel exercise, Ben Wa balls and other shaped vagina weights are recommended by gynecologists and obstricians to increase vaginal elasticity and bladder control. Vaginal weights come in a cylindrical shape and are used in increasing weights to strengthen the vagina, which improves sexual performance. Mild urinary incontinence, such as occurs while coughing, laughing, or sneezing exponentially more often as women grow older can be treated with Ben wa balls, vaginal weights, or Kegel exercise. However, Kegel exercise requires more concentration and a duration of will power, whereas wearing Ben wa balls requires neither, thus more popular for the desired effect.

Reply to Tammycdtv
Posted by: Anon. | 2005/12/05

Uhh - no Tammy, I don't think so, what you're describing are 'anal beads'. Ben Wah balls are something else, ask the Xpert he used to be the guest expert here on Health24 on sex toys I think that forum's answers are still posted somewhere.

Reply to Anon.
Posted by: Tammycdtv | 2005/12/05

Hi Rachel

Ben Wah balls are small - about the size of a marble - balls beaded together on a string. You can get different sizes.

What you do is lubricate them, and then ouch them into the anus, beyond the sphincter muscle. Make sure they're lubricated. Inserting them can be (and in my opinion, should be) made part of foreplay.

Then the fun begins. :D By stimulating the clitoris or penis, the ;artner (or you can do this on your own) gets you near to the plateau where you climax. As you begin to climax, you - or your partner - pull the balls out.


It is exquisite. If you're OK with ass - play, or even just want to experiment, it is out of this world. As each bead goes throuigh the anus, it stimulates the nerve endings around the anus, and hightens sexual pleasure like you will not believe.

And because the balls are small, there shouldn't be any pain involved.

For women : remember NEVER to insert anything that has been in your anus into you vagina. You run the risk of sever infection. If you want to play with Ben Wah balls and your vagina, get another set with a different colour so that you remember which is which.

Safe Sex is Good Sex. :D

Hope this helps


Reply to Tammycdtv
Posted by: RACHEL | 2005/12/05

I am little bit stpid when it gets to these things, will someone tell me what ben wah balls is and how it works?

Reply to RACHEL
Posted by: Tammycdtv | 2005/12/05

Sorry - i mean soak them in a bleach solution AFTER you use them. Also make sure they are well lubricated.



Reply to Tammycdtv
Posted by: Tammycdtv | 2005/12/05

Ben Wah balls - go and get them at any of the Hustler shops. They come in different sizes, and you don't have to get the biggest size balls.

You can use any string of beads for the same purpose - a cheap plastic necklace can be a good substitute.

Just make sure you wash them well afterwards - soaking in bleach is a good idea.

Have fun ... :)


Reply to Tammycdtv
Posted by: Lover | 2005/12/05

Thanks Tammy yes perhaps it is a little too big, its not really but perhaps for her anal, like you say start small & let her do it herself, Ive heard those balls are amazing!!!

Rachel, many women love anal sex, straight & Gay, I never ever believed in toys, until recently we are a very fem couple & dont need these toys they are not replacing a male at all, its just makes our sex life more exciting, anal sex blows my girfriend away I have never heard anyone scream as much, I dont, not yet, havent grown enough courage to at this stage I am not ready, I will soon. We are a very close & comfortable sexual couple & we like experimenting with each others bodies & really giving each other pleasure. But not all the time, we often have sex without anything just each other & we still appreciate every moment of it while its happening. I always thought if I tried these toys I wouldnt just want to be with her normaly BUT I do in every way. So no it doesnt make me think of a man as I am not gay because I hate men I am gay because I prefer a women better I have many male friends & I love them to death but dont want them sexually as I prefer a womens touch & all that goes with it....

Reply to Lover
Posted by: Envious girl | 2005/12/02

Wish my gf would be more OK with sex toys, would LOVE to be able to go there :) Tammy I've heard of Ben Wah balls but never seen them - you recommend them? Go well everybody

Reply to Envious girl
Posted by: Tammycdtv | 2005/12/02

:) I have quite a few lesbian friends who enjoy it, one way or another.

Reply to Tammycdtv
Posted by: RACHEL | 2005/12/02

Wel this is the first time i ever heard about 2 woman having anal sex. Straight people usually think lesbians use dildos to have sex but out of all the lesbian woman i spoke to none of them even concsidered a dildo because it makes them think of a man and if it was a man they wanted they would not be with a woman so why use the sex organ of a man. We use fingers, it's more personal and intimate. So do you also take the dildo in your anal area?

Reply to RACHEL
Posted by: Tammycdtv | 2005/12/02

Use a much smaller dildo in the beginning - one just a little bit thicker than a man's finger.

Once the sphincter muscles have relaxed - which normally takes a little while - then you can try with a larger dildo.

It is also MUCH easier if your gf does it herself until she gets used to the size of the dildo.

But start out small.

tip : I am almost sure she will LOVE Ben - Wah balls ....

hugs and kisses


Reply to Tammycdtv

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