Our expert says:
Many months ago I wrote the 10 rules of anal sex, if you can't find it in the archives write to me at firstname.lastname@example.org and I will forward you a copy. Else here is my (non - picture version).
Don't be fooled into thinking anal sex is only for man's pleasure - it can be quite stimulating for women, too! The anus is rich in nerve endings, and some women can orgasm from the pelvic contractions combined with the excitement of anal play. Read on for details.
Take it Slow
Give yourself time to relax and experiment.
Communicate with your partner - it's the key to anal pleasure.
Practice tensing and relaxing your anal muscles (Kegels) to loosen up.
Work up to intercourse by using a well-lubed finger.
Lay the finger horizontally across your anus. Gently push out, like you're having a bowel movement, and pop the finger in.
Lube it Up
Use a latex condom to protect against sexually transmitted infections.
Lubricate, lubricate, lubricate. Thicker water-based ones are best.
When you think you've used enough lubrication, put on some more.
Try having an orgasm before you begin anal play to help relax.
Experiment with dildo harnesses for anal sex with male or female partners.
Talk it Through
Breathe deeply - it helps you stay in control and makes insertion easier.
Talk to your partner about the pace and depth of insertion.
Tell your partner what you like, and what's not quite right.
If you feel more than a little uncomfortable, wait and try again later.
A little bleeding is normal. If it's more than a few drops, stop immediately.
Position for Pleasure
The rectum is not straight like the vagina, so try a variety of positions.
Side by side: Best for beginners. Gives receiver the most control over penetration. Also called spooning.
Missionary: Provides face-to-face intimacy. Receiving partner lies on her back and penetrating partner approaches from the top.
Rear entry: Allows for deepest penetration. Exposes the anus for easy thrusting. Also called doggie-style.
Relax and Enjoy
Find the sensations you like most, and ask your partner to repeat them.
Stimulate your clitoris during anal penetration.
Enjoy the pelvic muscle contractions as your partner thrusts.
Don't switch back and forth from anal penetration to vaginal. It can cause infection.
It's common to feel the urge to have a bowel movement during anal play. You might need to go to the bathroom after penetration.
Thicker lubes like Slippery Stuff Gel and Maximus work best because they provide a cushion for the delicate anal tissues.
Use plain condoms, as flavored ones have been known to cause burning.
Some people like to use an enema before anal sex, even though very little fecal matter is actually stored in the rectum. Others like anal sex just because of the idea of it being "dirty."
Build up trust with your partner so that you can talk this through and make it a pleasurable, sexy experience.
Toys: Slippery Stuff gel
Books: Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women
Videos: Nina Hartley Guide to Anal Sex video
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