Posted by: Lou | 2007/04/10

Am I wrong,or expect too much

Hi - Just some thoughts and a query to how I feel and what I should expect.
This is my second marriage, being married on the 6 April one year, we have a beautiful son, Ross, having had a very difficult first marriage for 13 years, he had an affair and in hind sight was great for me as I was able to get out of the marriage, after giving my all. I moved and had a great support group and mnaged to get by, moved out on my own with my 2 kids, etc etc. I then met a man, as a friend first of all, as I was involved in a relationship at the time, however as time would have it we met up as more than freinds after a while, I fell pregnant and best was to get married, or so I thought at the time, I know that it was too soon, now on looking back, we shouldhave lived together for a while to see how we progressed, but we had the baby to consider. When a person gets into a new relationship, all is well and happy, we got along well on all levels, and this I did not want to change, however, stupid me, it changed, is this me, or a man thing - ? I wonder? I am 38 years old with 3 sons and a step son, married to a 42 year old man, who seems to think he is 70 years old. I cannot believe that after a year of marriage he has done an about face, why? why do people put on another face to get someone? well this is how I see it! I give my all, I work a full day, have finally managed to get a nanny for my baby, so that I can assist with the finances, I work at home, kids, homework, you name it I do it, in the beginning he assisted, now zip, he comes home, eats and goes to bed at about 7h30 - 8pm each night, always tired, if I could make a tape recording and play it, I would, yes I am bitter, as this is not what I wanted, he was so great and kind and loving and attentative, in the beginning, now, I nag all the time, because he is goes to bed early every night, if I get any love making the world would fall apart. I feel like I have been left to do my own things all the time, what is the use of being married and having a husband if I spend all my time alone, or sitting up till 8pm with the kids before they go to bed and then sitting up alone to watch TV on my own, what kind of a life is this? I have spoken to him on numerous occassions, that now it becomes such an argument all the time, he seems to be one of those that are "tired" all the time - his "make up" so the doctors tell me. I am bitter and I feel that I having , yet again, having to do the "family" "wife" thing on my own again, it is like being with my brother, we have no intimacy, as he is tired - all the time - or just simply does not want to make love, I am in the prime of my life and love sex and being loved and giving love - all the time, I love to be hugged and kissed and appreciated! I feel that is I was good enough when we met, what is wrong now, I feel that there is something wrong with me, I know there is not, but I feel it, as I get rejected all the time, I try so hard to live my own life now, as if there is no expectation , then I cannot get hurt! what must I do? I am to be honest lonely in this marriage, he is there, but it is like living with a male buddy! as for the sex side, once every 2 months is not on, simply unacceptable to me - and when he we do have sex, I must not blink as it is over too quickly - yet the sad part is that he seems to carry on with his life like nothing is happening, he says that I nag him when I talk about it, there is nothing wrong at all with him, that it is me! I want to much and expect to much, but I think not, all I ask for is a loving, caring and appreciative husband who is not tired all the time and would like to have sex with his wife, I fear the end is near as I see what is happening and it is pushing me away. any advise would be great! Thanks

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I wonder what he'd do if th meal wasn't ready for him to just eat and go to bed, and you explained that there are other household chores you need to finish first, and you'd finish and make supper quicker if he helped you to get these done ?

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