Posted by: Pinky | 2009/04/23

Am I wrong to do this?

I have dated a guy for 3 yrs, in the beginning things were good but later on we had problems, he is European and I' m S. African, last July he went back home to re-establish himself so I could join him there as things weren' t working so well here, difficulty getting work etc. I was all set to go for Xmas of which I was told not come any longer as he had plans of going away with family (mom, dad sis etc). I was shattered and felt there was more to the story, needeless to say it was the beginning of the end for me.

During the Xmas period our communication was minimum and it was always me who innitiated it, so I kinda felt that he had moved on and I decided to do the same, several times he did suggest we moved on but would later start communicating with me again, but nothing changed for me after that as I was slowly falling out of love with me and over time I realised that I was no longer missing him or thinking abt him as much. Then early this year I met a really great guy, caring considerate and seem to have good intentions. We got really close and things are going really well. My " boyfriend"  has been in the picture all this while bt we seldom communicated and I knew that I wanted to be with this other guy and had to tell " boyfriend"  it was over. But, ever since this other guy came into the picture my " boyfriend"  is suddenly giving me all this attention, proffesing his love for me and making plans for me to come to Europe to be with him etc. In all honesty I no longer have feelings for him and really want to give it a shot with the new guy. I feel that my " boyfriend"  betrayed me and I' m almost certain there was someone else when he was behaving strangely bt he won' t admit it, only that he made some terrible choices and is sorry to have hurt me. I do not see myself potentially having any future with him and I don' t think I love him anymore. My feelings revolve around the new man in my life as I now feel he is my boyfriend. I see a future with this guy which we have talked about. I' m not rushing into anything but right now everything with my new man just feels right and I feel we want the same things in life and everything is utual. He has shown so much commitment during the few months I have known him and I believe I want to go further with him. Problem is I do not know how to break it with my old boyfriend, he' s been so nice and attentive, calls all the time, sends texts, emails etc. But, i don' t even get excited to hear from him. I know I have to tell him but sometimes I wonder if he is being sincere now and maybe he really means what he is saying, but at the same time I do not want to risk it. How do I handle this? I' m due to meet my new boyfriends parents mid June who are based In Europe, they know about me already and bf and I are busy making plans for that. Things are progressing well. How do I handle the old " boyfriend without hurting his feelings as I believe he does love him still but I' m no longer available emotionally and wouldn' t want to be with him out of pity.But, I do not want to be the bad guy here and i feel though that it is inevitable. Please any advise would be appreciated.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

You have moved on, and wisely so. At the very least the first guy treated you scornfully and inconsiderately, and basically ignored you for a lengthy period. You owe him nothing, and if you are really happy with this present guy, stick with it. Do I understand rightly that BOTH bf's parents are based in Europe ? Same part or different ?
You are not the bad guy. Do you wan to say to the old bf that duyring the long perido when he was pre-occupied min Europe, you moved on and met someone else. That you feel fond of him and wish him well, but don't any longer feel the love you once felt, and that iot does not seem fair to now come and meet his family, as the most you are able to offer now is friendship ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: nay | 2009/04/24

don' t be silly girl. go with the new guy. If the old guy did it once, he' ll do it again.Forget about him &  build on a future with the new guy.

Reply to nay

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