Posted by: Karen | 2009/07/12

Am I Wasting My Time

i have a wonderful man in my life who i love very dearly, we live far apart as i moved home cause i could not handle him moving daughter and her mother to live with him (they been divorced for 6 years and she confirmed it)
He missed his daughter who is his life, he didn' t have greatest family upbringing so wants to be a better dad than he knew
i saw him for the first time in 6 months now and things were like the good old days, lots of fun and laughter and generally a good time till the booze flowed,
he says loves me dearly but will never offer me anything(never says why just he can' t) but will talk of being happy and marrying for love if he ever did again
he cannot have more kids and i don' t have any and would love to have kids but it' s not my life objective
i really love this man and want to spend the rest of my life with him but wonder if i am wasting my time
please hep

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Our expert says:
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His care for his daughter may be admirable, but moving his divorced wife witht he daughter to live with him surely puts paid to any prospect of him having a realistic and genuine relationship with any other women. Sounds like, for whatever reason, he feels totally committed to the previous relationship ( in ways that make the divorce seem largely symbolic ), and when he confirms that he cannot and will not offer you anything more than the occasional good meeting as a friend, that is probably it. Everything you say suggests that you are indeed wasting your time in expecting anything more from him, and nothing you say suggests anything else.

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Our users say:
Posted by: CM | 2009/07/14

Hi Karen

I just want to say that I recently came out of a relationship that shounds exactly like yours. I' ve realised that even though I did love him very very much, the relationship will never offer me what I need to be happy for the rest of my life. And yes, I know you are wasting your time. There is someone out there that you will love just as much, if not more and who can offer you everything you want. And believe me, you don' t want to get meddled up in a man and his x-wife' s relationship, not if they are so close. This relationship will spiral out of control and cause you more heartache than happiness and then it will be even harder to break away. Do it now.

Reply to CM
Posted by: Really | 2009/07/13

Mmmmh...... this does not sound condusive....he loves you yet he cannot offer you anything? Maybe you need to find out if he really has future intensions to even get married!

You also need to remember that to be in a relationship sometimes entails having the same future goals... it seems you want certain things to happen, like get married, have kids and he seems not be thinking of such.

If he were to marry you, do you think you can handle the fact that he is not prepared to have anymore kids when you would love to have some?

It seems as though he is not over the divorce and the wife (marriage" ). And being a good parent and great dad does not mean he has to live with them.....He can be a good parent by making time for his daughter and things will still be okay.

All the best.

Reply to Really

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