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Question
Posted by: Sandra | 2005/12/12

Am I unrealistic/wrong?

My husband and I have been married for 3 years and we have been together for 5. He was married before but due to the fact that he was cheated on, he is terrified that I will do the same to him. We love each other very much and love being together and sharing, probably more so than the average couple.

He constantly needs reassurance that I love only him. I understand this and try and reassure him as often as possible without getting annoyed/angry. We talk on the telephone 2 x a day and he questions me when I don't call. This results in me calling even though I have nothing to say.

I however drew the line when the excpected me to call him every morning when I get to work safely (a 30km drive away). He can not understand why I am not willing to do this, but it feels to me that I am being required to report the principal like a child. I know it is only because he cares and he want to know I am safe, but this just does not feel right! I just feel like somehow I am losing my own independant person. Am I being unfair?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

You're not being unfair, he is. He sounds very insecure and in need of counselling --- maybe he'd find this more acceptable if you asked him to join you in marriage counselling ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: CP Mom | 2005/12/12

If you have not been cheated on you will never EVER understand this.

Both myself and G have been cheated on and therefor we both needed re-assurance in the beginning but as time goes by it does get better, but never goes away. I was married 11years when it happened and him 7years.

We sms right through the day (CS doesnt like this but it works for us) and if one leaves work which is not a normal thing during a working day we sms or phone. If I dont go straigt home after work he needs to know that coz he'll phone home at 4.45 when I should be there. So do I phone him when he's not home when he should be so he'll sms.

I hope you understand this and try and be patient.

If you have nothing to hide why would it be a problem? Im sure there are things he has to do for you which he finds irratating but he does it coz he loves you....

It's not easy and sometimes one feels like "jy kan nie jou gat draai nie" but it's part of being in a relationship trust me girl there could be worse things than a guy checking up on you.

Good luck

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