Posted by: Kira | 2003/12/18

Am I so naive?

Early this year I met a guy on the internet. We chatted, went out a few times and then had an argument and stopped speaking. I had a party last month and decided to include him on the guest list. He accepted the invite but didn't pitch up. A couple of days later he sent me an email denying that he had accepted the invite. I left it at that. He then called me out of the blue on that weekend and said he was sorry and can he come over to my place and talk. I was reluctant but agreed. He came over with a gift and apologised and said he was a fool for letting me go out of his life etc. He said he needed me in his life and promised to do whatever it took to win me back. We started to kiss and one thing lead to another and we ended up in bed for the first time. The sex was really disappointing! Anyway, he promised to call later and left. The next day I got a 1 line email saying he was busy and would call later. 3 days later I had heard nothing. I called him and he was in a bar with his buddies - and I got the usual I'll call you. No call! The next day I called him and he said he was out of town on a family crisis and would call me. As usual no call! The fool that I am - I called him the next day out of concern about the family crisis. He was drunk and again said how much I mean to him and that he can't wait to see me again etc. I honestly believed him. The following afternoon I called him again - and he screams at me to stop bothering him- he's with his girlfriend and doesn't need me to harress him. What is worng with me that I'm so naive and trusting? Did I miss something in his conversation? Was I blind? Please tell me what I did wrong and how to avoid this from happening again. I feel so used and cheap!

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Our expert says:
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Kira, obviously we can't know whether there were obvious signs you missed, or not. But it does, truly, sound as if this is a guy you'll be very well rid of, who has used you and has been uncaring, and blowing hot and cold, confucing you. You're worth a whole lot more than that. Don't call him again, surely he isn't worth the bother or the cost of a call. It sounds as if he was never sincere in his approach to you ( nor fair to his girlfriend, if there is one ). let him go.
In the future, maybe take things a little more slowly, being a bit less rapidly trusting.

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Our users say:
Posted by: astro | 2003/12/21

This is to shame,
You have chosen the appropriate nick name, you should be filled with shame, if I was your parent i would feel shame on your behalf.

what are you? some kind of sexually deprived 12 year old, wake up and smell the coffee.

obviously you have no life considering you go from message to message replying in a totally obsene manner - always sexually related, out of all the people requesting help on this site, you are the one who needs it most. But then again maybe you also just don't have morals and values and have no objections to sponging off those around you (if anyone ever wants to be around you).

The sperm donor for my daughter raped and beat me up when I was three months pregnant because i told him that i could not afford to look after him and a child and that i would need his support and he refused to work his reason being that why should he work when there was food on the table everynight and the rent was being paid.

You are short sighted, ignorant and don't know the first thing about life, yours or mine, you are very quick to classify me as a slut, little do you know that i am nearing 30 and have only slept with 3 men (my daughters father included obviously), I lost my virginity to a man I loved deeply when i was 18, I had been going out with him for 18 months. Don't be so quick to judge, the lord judges to and your day of judgement will come to you, I would love to be the one reading out that judgement, you are not worthy of life, in heaven, hell, or on this earth. you seek out people who are mature enough to realise that they have a problem and are ready to seek help for it and slander and turn their problems and misfortunes into a game of sex.

You need to catch a wake up, remember what you do unto others will come back to you seven fold I would hate to be in your shoes the day you need help, you deserve everything that is coming to you.

Oh, by the way, the only thing my fiance sees, is what is there, true love, great sex (I swallow to), endless times of laughter and be both have companship and a love so deep few are blessed to ever experience it, i know you definetly won't.

Reply to astro
Posted by: Nicki | 2003/12/19

As naive as people can be, and we all go through it, please get a medical test done
As u said, this was a one nighter at the moment and you met him through the internet.
I am just as trusting as u r, and i had to learn the hard way that 'people r not always what they seem'
I have chattered to a few ppl over IRC and realised that some ppl are hiding their true personalities behind a keyboard.
Take care of urself
Realise that there is scum on this earth
And trust your instinct ... u said u sent him an invite and he said he appently didnt get it.
And if u dont feel that u can trust someone, meet in an open/public place.
Ur home is ur domain and for ur privacy

Reply to Nicki
Posted by: Kira | 2003/12/19

Thank you for all your replies. Your advice means a lot to me.
Have a blessed Christmas and wonderful New Year!

Reply to Kira
Posted by: Go away | 2003/12/19

Inc,You talking nonsense.Piss Off.

Reply to Go away
Posted by: Inc | 2003/12/18

if only we all wren't human and we all didn't make mistakes?
Write this off as a bad experience... it has nothing to do with you as a person. you are going to give yourself a complex if you keep playing it over and over again in your mind... set yourself free and let it go... he wasn't worth it and he never will be! Who you sleep with is your business, just be careful and use protection. no one can tell you right or wrong... you make the ultimate decision at the time and at that time... you think it is right for you... dont be too hard on yourself... forget about the creep.

Reply to Inc
Posted by: SHAME | 2003/12/18

Yes u were naive girl!

Reply to SHAME
Posted by: eve | 2003/12/18

this guy obviously is a sad soul that firstly intended on cheating on his girlfriend and secondly did it with no remorse wow thats one sick puppy. Sweetie you definitely missed alot of warning signs, you kept phoning him and trying to talk to him and he was basically shoving you off. rule number one remember that if someone says they will call you and they dont then leave it at that dont run after them, if its not meant to happen then its not meant to happen. you should of left him alone after he denied getting the invite this boy was a schizo from word go. like they have all said you shouldnt just sleep with anybody your body is something so sacred and beautiful that your future husband would love to know that he is the first to touch such a pure thing. i also wander whatever happened to the old fashioned times when you were supposed to stay pure for your husband, anyway i am going way off track here, but i think you should learn to be more careful next time with who you trust. What if this guy was hiv+ what then? just a thought. keep well sweetie

Reply to eve
Posted by: mo | 2003/12/18

Life is a lesson will you learn from it is up 2 you. you may say you are naive but I think what you did was a normal human reaction you it is just there are people out there whom do not care for other peoples filings and what impact it will have on there life. For example it will be very long time you will trust a man again. But remember there are people out there how value life and people.

Reply to mo
Posted by: Sad but true | 2003/12/18

Mona you've just said soomething that hurts me bt true.You are right:GIRLS GIVE SEX TO RECEIVE LOVE.It hurt me when my Girlfriend told me she slept with her previous Boyfriends becoz she was scared of being hurt.."she did it for love".Not that I asked her bt we were just talking coz we talk just about anything.I love her and she loves me too bt it hurts to know she slept with them coz she was desperate for love.I'd give anything to have been the only guy to make love to her bt I cant.Anyway I know its life...So Girls, dont sleep with guys just because you are in a relationship,respect your bodies as its the best gift you can give to your husband (hope they do the same)

Reply to Sad but true
Posted by: Mona | 2003/12/18

Yip, it looks like you missed some major warning signs that this guy was just out for a good time. Guys pretend to give love to receive sex, girls give sex to receive love. You walked into a trap. Try to forget about him now. I hope that you will tell him that you are washing your hair if he ever contacts you again!!

Reply to Mona
Posted by: Stella | 2003/12/18

I agree with Guy. What happened to "marriage is for love making". The good old fashion way has allot more logic to it. Stray and you will pay. Not judging, just don't understand how you can sleep with someone other then your husband. What are you going to say to your "husband to be one day". Sorry, but I'm no virgin. I'm glad I'm not in your shoes. Why would this guy respect you if you clearly don't respect yourself. Your body is so precious. Why on earth are you dishing it out to disrespectful men you clearly know nothing about. Hope everything works out for you. Remember, being naive is a choice you have made. You are responsible for it, nobody else.

Reply to Stella
Posted by: Guy | 2003/12/18

He wouldn't have behaved that way if you hadn't slept with him so easily.I'm not judging you but this should give you a lesson:Dont just sleep with a guy befor some serious consideration.Girls dont always have to sleep with every Gut they are involved with!!

Reply to Guy

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