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Question
Posted by: TJ | 2004/12/08

AM I OVERREACTING

In June a friend of mine gave me a gift for my birthday. Thereafter we slept together, thinking that we could have a relationship but we realised it would never work. Our friendship is not the same but we still talk sometimes. My concern is this: I bought him a christmas present and phoned him to arrange that I give it to him, he said that he would call me back. Which he didnt. Then I sent him an e-mail and it came back deleted without being read. My problem is this, whenever we speak on the phone he tells me that I am being scarce and should phone him more often and that me not speaking to him, is like him not speaking to his mother. He tells me to call him the next day and then when I do call he seems irritated and once again tells me that he will call back (which he never does). Our conversations are normally general but he will always refer back to when we slept together and he will talk about things that might happen in the future. Now he has gone to the point of just ignoring me. Now I have a gift and I dont know if he wants it or not, because I dont want to give him the impression that I'm running after him by calling him. Is the problem with me (am i pushing) or is the problem with him.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

You know, TJ, that was the wrong way round, wasn't it ? One shouldn't sleep with someone if we THINK we might be able to have a good relationship with them --- we surely need to at least establish whether we CAn and DO already have a good and potentialyl lasting relationship, before sleeping on the job ? And what you're describing is the sort of embarrassing and confusing sequel to sleeping together prematurely.
Sounds like you're handling the situation better than him. If he's too rude or panicked to respond, ignore him, and give the present to someone else. If he ever makes contact again, tell him you gave it to someone who was at least polite enough to reply to your messages.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: HS | 2004/12/08

Is he involved (married / committed) that he's trying to avoid you so much?
Maybe he doesn't nwat anyone else to know you slept together.
I would suggest getting on with your own life.
And good luck to you, leave the losers behind.
Next time he says you;re scarce, say well so are you so I'm taking the hint...
Bye.

Reply to HS
Posted by: tebogo | 2004/12/08

Hi

He is not worth it, you tried dont stress yourself give the present to a person who deserves it.

The least he could have done is be frank with you instead of making you try so hard.

Reply to tebogo
Posted by: tebogo | 2004/12/08

Hi

He is not worth it, you tried dont stress yourself give the present to a person who deserves it.

The least he could have done is be frank with you instead of making you try so hard.

Reply to tebogo
Posted by: San | 2004/12/08

Seems like he is the one not dealing with the fact that you slept together, seems like he is scared you will become all emotional about the relationship now because of that. I think you've done your bit, if he wants to be friend with you, he will make more effort. So leave him be for now, let him get over the fact that you don't want to see a ring on the finger now. He's saying all those things to get over his own guilt because he's not contacting you more often. I suggest you keep your distance and assess whether he deserves to be your friend.

Reply to San
Posted by: Liza | 2004/12/08

Don't think you overreacting really. As Liza says call again, and dont' bother after that. Hard at times, but you can't keep running after him, if he values your friendship, he'll at least try some sort of contact from his side.

Reply to Liza
Posted by: Liza | 2004/12/08

I think he just wants his ego inflated everytime you keep on calling him. My philosophy is - I'll phone once - if you don't contact back - I'll try again. I never try a third time though. Really narrows down the circle of friends - but they are always the ones who WANT to be your friend.

Reply to Liza

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