Posted by: Asia | 2005/01/10

Am I opening old wounds?

I broke up with the man I love a year ago. We were friends for 4 years before we became involved. The problem was that at the time we got serious he was visiting SA after leaving because of work. Two weeks later he went back and we kept up a long distance relationship. I didn’t realize how difficult it would be as he is unreachable for weeks at a time due to his work. He asked me to visit him over Christmas last year but I couldn’t afford it and didn’t want him to pay as he has a history of friends who used him for his money. On Christmas day he met someone, which I found out about a month later when she sms’ed me asking me who I was and telling me that they were serious and in love. He is coming back to SA in about a month or so on holiday and has asked if we can get together to chat. I am not over him and am worried that if I see him again it will dump me back in the mental state of mind I was in a year ago, but would also like to know why he did what he did and why he did it in the way that he did.

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Our expert says:
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Sounds like a good idea to meet with him on this next visit and talk things out. Long-distance relationships are always difficult, and often fail, through no particular fault of either partner. If you don't meet him, you'll continue to guess and wonder why this or that happened. It's not inevitable that you et plunged back into the sadness you reached after first hearing about this new relationship of his

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Our users say:
Posted by: Asia | 2005/01/11

Hi Glenda,

Thanks for this. It doesnt sound heartless at all. I prefer having closure about these things too and it has taken me close to a year to come to terms with all of this. I think it hurt more because I lost a friend of four years in the process and dont know if it was worth losing him over. I would rather have kept him in my life as a friend. I am worried that he doesnt give me closure when I see him, and then quite frankly I would rather not see him, but i guess i wont know until i see him. I trusted him more than anyone else because I believed that having had a friendship for 4 years he would have considered my feelings and been honest with me. Instead he took the cowards way out and got his new girlfriend to do his dirty work for him.

Reply to Asia
Posted by: glenda | 2005/01/10

No matter how hard it is, it is always better to get some sort of clarity and closure of each chapter in your life, but once you have this you can deal with it and move on. I know it sounds heartless, but really it is the only way. I also agree that long distance relationships are hard on the heart. Also dont allow him to make you upset because of his infidelity. Hold you head up high!!!

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