Posted by: CL | 2009/02/19

Am I my own worst enemy??????

Dear Cybershrink

I recently had two fallouts on different occasions.

One was at work and a Collleague told me this.
This lady was upset because one of her staff need urgent assistance in that she had to appear before a disciplinary hearing and that the temp staff member would have probably ended up losing her job. Since she is a single mother and still living at home with her father, brother and sister, I felt I had to assist where I can. She ended up winning her case.

The following day I was repremanded by my Manager for interfering in another section and was told not to do that again.

That very same afternoon, the respective section head stormed into my office, shouting and exherting her feelings toward me. She disliked the fact that I went behind her back, The temp staff member asked me not to go to the Section Head and I respected her wishes.She also accused me of not having any right to interfere in her section. I explained to her that I only assisted the Temp staff and nothing else. However, the screaming/ outburst went ahead and i was told that I am my own worst enemy and that she wont greet me anymore in passing. I apologised and she refused to accept, to which I then told her that she needs to stop pretending that she' s better that everyone else and she left my office.

The other one was my sister, who told me this.
My family (Husbank, Kids and I) have been going through a very bad patch. Financially, Emotionally, Physically, kids ending up being diagnosed as ADHD and myself and both my husband and I are on Anit-Depressants. Further to this we have not been intimate for months. My sister (12years older than me) has been there for me many a time, emotionally and often financially. I sent her pictures of Orchids (her favourite flower) on Valentines Day. To which she responded and I then wrote back to her and told her that my daughters'  birthday is coming up and that I don' t have money for the gift that she wants, a cell phoned. And in any case, I indicated that we cant even afford to buy proper food, not even to mention a cell phone. And as a joke I said that donations are welcome. I contacted her on Sunday to tell that I had to rush my hubby to Hospital because he had taken an unknown few sleeping tablets and he drank some Alcohol on top of that. That he was in the truama unit, stabilised, bloods taken and still to decide whether to pump his stomach or give him something to make him vomit. This was quite a scare for me and on top of that I had both the kids with me all the way. She told me to leave him there, since he wanted to be silly to do this and that I should take the kids home, give them supper and put them to bed. The very next minute she took off at me for always having to help and that I always spoil her weekends. She told me that I am inconsiderate, that she didn' t appreciate my SMS the previous day and that I am my own worst enemy.

Doc, please could you help me and tell me where I am going wrong. How do I change this and become the goog person I used to be. The friendlier, kinder, warm hearted person I was before. I do not even have any friends left. I thought it was because of us not having any money when my hubby was unemployed. Before this they used to visit us quite a lot. But lately this has not been the case and that they think the area we' ve moved to is " dodgy"  and that they are too good for that.

Thank you

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

As for the first instance --- isn;t there am HR person or department you could discuss this with, and who ought to have been helping this other woman instead of you needing to do so ? The nasty and hysterical response from the other section head suggests that she was in the wrong and knew it --- surely helping someone to be properly protected in such a hearing is a function expected of the company, and not something she should complain about. You and the other womn should perhaps discuss all this with the Dept of Lavour, and similar organizations.
Sounds like your sister, too, was over-reacting, perhaps when under some strs sherself and not understanding your own degree of stress. I'm sure you are still the good person you used to be, only finding it harder to select the best way to be that person, when under so many stresses

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Our users say:
Posted by: loppy | 2009/02/20

CL, i think you really don' t need to change you are justa good soul in the wrong have helped people who don' t deserve to be helped that is a natural human behaviour if anything we should all be moving your direction as opposed to changing you...

Your hustband and your sister' s situation...shhh it is a phase life gets like that sometimes ...things just at times all go wrong for no apparent reason and that is where we need to be strong the most and that is also the reason some people take their lives away -trying to runaway from feeling too depressed and feeling worthless..

It will all change, just hang on and lookout for your kids, your husband too will be fine...just is just a wake up call for him fir it would have been worse..

Good luck you angel soul..

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