Posted by: Hurting Girl | 2005/07/22

Am i missing something

My boyfriend's ex-girlfriend is about to give birth now-and my boyfriend had gone to hospital to be with her..i am so hurt, its as if i have been stabbed in the heart.I know he loves me and i know that he wants to be a good father to his child..but am i missing something?..the ex girlfriend stay more than two hours drive from where we stay-could they still be together, they talked everyday to find out how she has been doing.He left her for me..could he have changed his mind-that he wants to be with his "family"..pls advice..

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Our expert says:
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You don't say who is the father of the child. If it's him, he'd be a heartless heel if he DIDN'T go to the hospital at that time. Would you really prefer that he was the sort of man who would ignore the birth of his own child, simply because his relatonship with the mother happens to have broken up ? It's not especially likely that he is about to leave you for her, but more likely that he is being responsible and adult, which is surely to be encouraged ? Over-reacting to this, and insisting that you feel stabbed to the heart, isn't likely to keep him attracted to you, but more likely to drive him away. be big and nice about this. As Lola says, if you and he are going to remain together, presumably this child will be part of your life, too --- so why not also go with him to the hospital ? Give him support for doing the decent thing.
NO relationship is "no serious" when a pregnancy and a child are involved --- THAT must always be seen as serious.

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Our users say:
Posted by: What goes around...... | 2005/07/22

You say they broke up, you say he left her for you, what gives?

Do you think she wanted to have a kid? Out of wedlock stil??

You really are trying to be the victim. How do you think a girl feels that gets used for sex and then dropped?

Reply to What goes around......
Posted by: Red | 2005/07/22

Hurting girl - u then said he left her 4 u? So they were in a relationship untill u came along....?

Reply to Red
Posted by: Rob | 2005/07/22

Compassionate ?

Read it up in the dictionary. You obviously don't know the meaning

Reply to Rob
Posted by: To hurting Girl: Carrie | 2005/07/22

You are brave..and compassionate..shut up Rob..
I think the girlfriend will try to hold on to your boyfriend by using the baby-i dont tink she was going to have the abortion-it was all an does conquer all..

Reply to To hurting Girl: Carrie
Posted by: Rob | 2005/07/22

Stop feeling sorry for yourself

Reply to Rob
Posted by: Hurting Girl | 2005/07/22

As much as i symphathise with the ex-girlfriend, why would she want to have a child out of wedlock if she knew that the relationship was not serious..she and my boyfriend broke up before she knew that she was pregnant..she almost aborted the child..and i had to convince my boyfriend not to let do that..and i am seen as the bad person here?..

Reply to Hurting Girl
Posted by: What goes around..... | 2005/07/22

Amen Rob!!!

Reply to What goes around.....
Posted by: What goes around..... | 2005/07/22

If they're not even officially a couple (seeing as ex doesnt know), how long has this relationship (with you) been going on?

You give the ex false hope that they can reconcile because she thinks he's not seeing anyone. How cruel?

He says it wasnt serious? Well it is now, because a child will be born. He has to live upto his responsibilities. You dont just shag someone, get them pregnant, cheat on them and then leave them!!

Ever think that he could do the same to you?

Reply to What goes around.....
Posted by: Rob | 2005/07/22

'Courage to go down that road" and 'Take your hat off"!!!!!!!

She was having a fling with someone else man !!!!!!

Give me a break .Can you imgaine the responses if the G/F had written in here. Everyone would had called Hurting Girl all sorts of nasty things.
I feel sorry for G/F and her baby

Reply to Rob
Posted by: Princess | 2005/07/22

can so relate. theres this guy i really like, who's also gonna be a dad...& i dont think i have the courage to go down that road. i take my hat off to you, you're brave....but put your foot down from the beginning - you HAVE RIGHTS too & your FEELINGS MUST BE CONSIDERED ALWAYS. Never be afraid to express your needs and wants. Best of luck. thinking of ya.......cheers

Reply to Princess
Posted by: Joanne E | 2005/07/22

He is doing the right thing - surely he also wants to see HIS child. Can you imagine if it were you giving birth and baby's dad (even though you were no longer together) did not bother to show up? Just be prepared as she will probably be quite emotional now as well and may turn to him for support (just a shoulder).

Reply to Joanne E
Posted by: Hurting Girl | 2005/07/22

I really want my boyfriend to be a good father to his child.I dont think i could have handled going to the hospital with him.I thought about the ex-girlfriend, how she would feel when she saw me with him.The ex-girlfriend was hoping to work things out with my boyfriend (she doesnt know that we are together).I didnt want her to know because i felt she was in a vulnerable condition-since she wasnt having an easy pregnancy-i didnt want her to deal with the stress of knowing that she cant reconcile with my boyfriend.I trust my boyfriend-but i also cant help but think that she has a great advantage at this situation.Their relationship was not at all serious.Everytime something will happen to her my boyfriend will tell me and i will just want to end the relationship so that he could be with her all the time when anything should happen.He refuses for us to break up.Most of the time i feel like ending the relationship (and i dont know how to go about it as i know that he will not have any of that)and just carry on with my life..but i know being separated from him will be even more hurtful for the both of us..does love really conquer all?..

Reply to Hurting Girl
Posted by: Annie | 2005/07/22

So he left her to be with you ................
Maybe now you know how she was feeling when she was pregnant and you where messing around with her man .
What's that saying ..... What goes around , comes around

Reply to Annie
Posted by: Keli | 2005/07/22

Its true what Lola is saying, that you should have perhaps gone with him, even if you didnt go to the delivery room as such,as this child is also now going to be a part of you.

I think if you trust your bf, give him the support that he needs at the moment, but if you dont trust him, I think this is going to be a problem for you and you need to decide whether you can endure feeling insecure everytime he is going to see or spend time with the child. U can either get out and find someone without a child and link to the ex or stay and try to find a common ground with him in a mature way that doesnt compromise the child.

Reply to Keli
Posted by: Lola | 2005/07/22

He is going to the hospital to be there when his child is being born, which is the right thing to do. Can you not go with? Surely you are going to be a part of the childs life too?

Have you talked to your bf about your concerns, and about the role he wants to play in his childs life?

Reply to Lola
Posted by: Dee | 2005/07/22

Its possible that he wants to do the responsible thing and be with his family.Its unfair I know but the ex has a lot of advantage in this situation.I was in a similar situation.He only told me when she had already moved back in with him and his parents.And I was treated like I was a mistress

He went back to her because he felt responsible and felt they had a lot of history and memories he would not throw away. I look back at it and it seems like a blessing because I realise I never had his whole heart.Now I met someone who does not have a child or links with his ex and that is a breath of fresh air

Reply to Dee

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