Posted by: Mary | 2009/05/19

Am I losing it

Hi Doc
I am not sure what the signs are but I think I falling into a depression , and if I think of the one thing that is causing this its my hb and I dont know how to handle it , I cant worry about him and he irretates me , I dont even kiss him good nigth and it does not worry me , and even thinking of physicall contact makes me nausious , I do feel sorry for him cuase he does not know what is going on , let me get down to the problem , every single weekend of my marraige live (start on Thursdays lately) he is drunk , he cant just have 2 or 3 drinks , he must always go overboard , I have the occasional small glass of wine but that is it . We have been married for 12 years and I use to be a bit dissapointed with him in the past sometimes it coudl not bother me but lately it is realy irretating me , to me he looks so pathetic , spineless , weak. At some stage you need to grow up and slow down a bit , life is not all about getting drunk and passing out . He will never change , and hardly ever admit that he must slow down . But comes monday then he has some type of stomach bug , this always happens , it is never the alchohol , idiot . What must I do ? He will never change beleive me , and even if we go to councelling (again) it will go ok for maybe 3 months max , I cant divorce him cuase I am not financially strong (I have 2 kids) but cant carry on like this either . This mornig I was lying in bed wide awake thinking of all this nonsense its as if I am breeding on this neg feeling ... what can I do ?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Remember that a Depression doesn't necessarily need any obvious external cause ; and that not all misery is Depression. It sounds as though your husband has a real drinking problem, which he could learn to control, if he saw an appropriate shrink. And marriage counselling could help you both to sort things out, or at least to make a wiser decision about how to proceed.
Interesting to hear his theory of the Monday stomach bug, a germ with a built-in calendar.
If you feel unable to divorce him ( he would presumably be required by the court to pay maintenance for the kids ), the counselling, may be the best way to make things more tolerable at least, and perhaps the counsellor can persuade him to take his problem drinking seriously and fix it. There are meds that can help with that, such as acamprosate and antabuse

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