Posted by: sbu | 2004/11/12

Am I jealous? Urgent

My relationship with my fiance is falling apart because we have not been spending quality time togather and know to make matters worse he has a female colleague that keeps on calling him in the early hours of the morning to tell him about the night before or on the weekends.

We have a 10 months baby girl and our relationship has also taken a backsit to me because most times I am tired and I work 8-5 and come back to play with the baby, cook and afterwards I am tired.

Now, the worse thing that is happenning to us is this lady and when I asked him about why is a colleuge calling him at these hours or on weekends, are you friends with her and he tells that this lady had a crash on him and I found out that they are calling each other but he just says they are just colleagues.

It's not that I don't trust him but why are they calling each other? so I am angry and we just fought on the phone about this because I decided to inform his manager about the fact this lady colleague is interferring in our relationship and he must tell if that is how they do things in their company bcz I fail to understand the fact that they are in different departments but she is the only one who calls him so please tell me if this is just jealousy or is he cheating on me or was I wrong to inform his manager?

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Our expert says:
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If she has a crush on him, they are NOT "just colleagues" You'd be amazed at how many hundreds of colleagues I've had over the years, and not had a crush on any of them, or vice versa. There is NO possible good reason for him to allow this silly woman to call him to gossip at odd hours, and if he respects you he will tell her, maybe even in front of you, that her calls are unwelcome and must stop. I can understand why you spoke to his manager. This could greatly annoy your bf ( but he might not be too great a loss if he goes off in a huff ). It won't be appreciated by the woman, but a warning from her boss might do her good. It might not have been the smartest thing you could have done, but you did it, so the issue is now to deal with the consequences.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Rachel | 2004/11/12

I can understand that you are emotional but as everyone else said you should not have called the manager.

Whats done is done. You tell your fiance that if he wants to still be with you he better get rid of this woman. You should also get her number and tell her to bugger off!

Reply to Rachel
Posted by: Orie | 2004/11/12

I agree with Bad Move , u should not have involved his manager . he basically has nothing to do with your fiance's personal life . It is always better to separate working life from one;s private life . Once one's private life starts spilling into his working life it usually has detrimental effects. His boss will not be able to look at him with the same eyes. If he had utmost respect for your fiance ,that respect may be dimished a bit since he heard about all this gory details of his personal life. It was indeeed a wrong move. I understand you are desparate and maybe you think it might help. His boss is employed to manage him , workwise not his personal life. he might have been nice to you and said he will look into it , but if he is a resonable boss he will know that he must not get involved. Everytime there is an issue like this , are u going to call his boss? You're reaviling too much to his boss that you're supposed to about your private lives and insecurities. That will count against him in the future even when things are OK between the 2 of you . This might cost him promotions for instance since the boss might regard him as an "unstable" person. This is just my 2cents worth .

Moving further : About the friend who calls every now and then .
Rubbish , he's up to no good. tell him that if she is such a good friend of his why does'nt he get to introduce her to you as his wife. I'm sure you know quite a lot of his others friends, you've met them , maybe you must suggest that he introduces her to you. If that happens, play lovey dovey with your hubby. I mean you must act ! Not too much act , but you must be affectionate towards him and protray a really happy , close family.You'll judge by her reaction , you'll see if she gets jeloous and all of a sudden wants to go . Then you'll know ! A true friend should cherish and be happy for a friend who is happily inlove.

He's lying he calls her toom, she's not the only one calling. My hubby lied to me about the same thing " I never call her , she always calls me " only his cellphone bill told a different story. My hubby called her when I was not around hence I was convinced that he does not call her and I was all along wrong. If she was a friend and respected your hubby, why would she call at night. Does she not know that he is married and he's supposed to be spending quality time with his wife at night ? She does not have respect for you or your fiance and I can tell you she got the go ahead to call anytime from your fiance and only he can put an end to it . If he's really not interested in her , then she should tell the lady straight out and tell her to take a hike. He's entertaining this whole thing and by the look of things, he's enjoying every minute of it.

Reply to Orie
Posted by: Bad Move | 2004/11/12

I don't believe calling the manager was the right thing to do. It is going to cause conflict and you are going to get hurt. Just remember you opened this door and I hope you can cope with the consequences, they are not going to be nice. If you have a suspicion, you are probably right, subconsciously one always knows what the answer is.
Good luck to you and hope you pull through this unscathed.

Reply to Bad Move
Posted by: Mona | 2004/11/12

I'll kick my hubby under his a*se very quickly if woman started calling him at home just to chat!! He is cheating, or is about to cheat, demand he tells this woman to get lost.

Reply to Mona

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