Our expert says:
I doubt it, though I can understand that it might feel that way for you. Certainly such fantasies are ugly and menacing, and any even faint idea of carrying them out would of course be repulsive. Some medications, occasionally, in some vulnerable people, can stir up unpleasant dreams, etc. SO DO se your prescribing shrink, or another shrink, fairly promptly, for a thorough fresh assessment and a discussion of revising treatments so as to enable you to improve and feel more at peace.
Of course you should not kill yourself, and there's no need to assume that you would otherwise live LIKE THIS long-term. But DO get appropriate expert help to sort this out. Its typical of Depression, that it early on removes our ability to imagine cure or solutions --- those asumptions are not accurate, but can be very convincing !
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