Posted by: Fran | 2009/03/18

Am I expecting too much?

My ex boyfriend was incredible in bed! In about 6 years of us being together, I can count on my two hands how many times I did not orgasm. We would have sex, and then he would finish me off by masturbating me.
My current boyfriend doesn' t seem to know what he' s doing (I know that he is inexperienced as he has not had many sexual experiences.
How can I address the issue that I can orgasm every time, as long as he plays with me after.

And this brings me to the other question... Am I expecting too much? Was the ex perhaps a special case?
I feel I deserve to orgasm!
I am so frustrated, I am loosing interest in sex - which is way weird for me, because I usually love it!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

It does sound like you are fortunate in experiencing an orgasm every time before, about 70% of women don't! My approach for both men and women is to try to remove the goal-oriented approach from sex (i.e. that it's always about orgasm) as this places a great deal of pressure on and the sexual response does not always withstand this... The closeness and intimacy involved can be hightly rewarding too, but I agree that orgasm is a great outcome. It just feels a little demanding to say that you 'deserve it' - this could be quite intimidating and pressuring for your boyfriend. That said, this does not mean that you should not try to assist your current boyfriend to learn how to give you pleasure - this could be really helpful. Maybe he needs a little more direction from you, or perhaps you could show him by touching yourself. Another strategy would be to alternate whose needs are focused on first if turns need to be taken?

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Our users say:
Posted by: FD | 2009/03/18

Of course you deserve an orgasm!
I think your ex was a very special case indeed - God knows I' d want him back if I were you. Seriously now, I think you should show the new guy the ropes, what you' d like to have done, etc &  if the relationship' s great in any other way you could go see a sexologist or something like that.

Reply to FD
Posted by: just a guy | 2009/03/18

you have one very simple answer to your dilemma .just show him what to do ..and if that dont work ..iam afraid you need to get your ex back.

Reply to just a guy

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