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Question
Posted by: Vooruit | 2004/10/14

Am I evil ?

My husband's ex tried on several occasions to seduce him but failed . The last attempt was about 2 months ago where she really went out of her way to get him to sleep with her. She did not succeed still.She "terrorised" me big time , gossiping about me and calling me names whenever she sees me .
Now I've just heard that she passed away yesterday due to AIDS. Had the shock of my life. She wanted to destroy us, she most probably knew that she was infected yet tried so hard and was so desperate to get to sleep with my man. Now the problem is -her funeral will be in her hometown which is about 1500 km away from Durban where we live. My husband wants to attend the funeral . My issue is that we dont have money, we did not budget for this. We however have a bit of money we saved for a romantic getaway for the 2 of us we planned for November. I told him that should she have succeeded in seducing him , me and my husband could be both HIV pos right now. I'm sorry I have no sympathy for her , and she's not worth putting my plans on hold , she was out to destroy us. Why would I drive for more than 15 hrs to attend the funeral of someone who had such a dirty heart? At the same time I dont want to stand in my husband's way if he wants to go and pay his last respects. However as I said we dont have the money for the funaral trip, the only way he can get to go there would be to take some money out of what we saved for out getaway. Should I allow him to do that ? Where do I draw the line ?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

It must be a huge relief to know that she has died. I am deply suspicious when someone actually dying of AIDS, tries so hard to get someone else to sleep with them ( which is not what they neeed at such a time ) --- it seems too much like they want to be sure they give AIDS to the other person. You need to have a serious talk with your husband, especialy abou how you cant afford for him to go to the funeral, how he may encounter bitterness from her amily if he goes, and how it is disrespectful towards you, to insist on honoring a woman who persistently treated you so badly. I se no reason why you ought to feel sympathy for someone who behaved so badly.
Talk to him, and help him to understand that he has nothing to feel guilty about for resisting her attempts to infect him and you. At most, send flowers or a message / card. And get a fresh test, to be sure.

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: lulu | 2004/10/14

I agree with Phil on the test. In God we trust, the rest must bring data...

You're not evil. She's in his past. He should accept that you cannot afford for him to go to the funeral and send a telegram or flowers like other people do in cases like yours.

Reply to lulu
Posted by: Phil | 2004/10/14

I don't think you are evil. But I really think you should go for an HIV test, Be realistic.

Reply to Phil

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