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Posted by: Pauline | 2004/11/01

Am i crazy???

Hi all
Just would like to know if i'm mad or just plain stupid.My boyfriend and i broke up for about two months, in that time i never met someone else or even got together with another guy. I expected the same from him as we just needed time to sort out our heads. After being together again for five months, i asked him if he did get together with somebody and he replied yes, sorry to say but it really hurt, yes i know we weren't together but i still thought of him first thing in the morning and last thing at nite, knowing he'd come back to me. Am i crazy. I know he'd be so hurt hearing that i got together with someone and he even admitted it..So what's wrong wih me..He said he was drunk sorry that doesn't make things right for me or even use that as an excuse. What's gonna stop him now when he's drunk to get with someone esle...He says i'm so jelous when i'm in the norm..I dont' know what to do help Please!!!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

You're not mad or stupid, but unrealistic. Breaking up means no strict commitment to total celibacy and fidelity, so he did you no wring. The way you reactied to breaking up was YOUR way, he didn'[t have to feel the same or do the same, as you did. So he was with someone else, when drunk, and when your relationship with him was officially over. He didn't know you'd get back together. If he was to be expected to maintain total fidelity --- what would "breaking up " actually mean ?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: Chelle | 2004/11/01

You were not going out - the commit over that period of time was officially severed in the sense that you had broken up. I don't believe you should be overly concerned that he ended up with someone else. Drink does err the judgement above, but in his mind he was not cheating with you, and it was about sex and not an emotional commitment that he made to another woman.
Has he ever cheated on you whilst you were in a committed relationship? This for me is more important.
What does it mean to break up?
If you were still committed to each other, then there was no break up - but you say you had broken it off, and so what he did was what many many men would do, in love or not.
Work through it together with him, but don't make him forever repent - I don't believe he did anything that could cause you to distrust him.

Reply to Chelle
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/11/01

Hi Pauline,

We can tell you lotsa things here, some good, some not so good. I would say though that you would like to know that you can still be with him, & trust him, or you wouldn't have written your concern here. This is just my assumption.

If this is the case, then I would strongly suggest that you see a professional shrink who would be able to guide or assist you accordingly. I would suggest further that you see this shrink as a couple, & that you each make a committment to deal with this as best you can.

Your trust, even though at that time not together, was in a way shattered. Thats understandable. I also tend to agree with you that if you allow him to get off too easily this time, then there won't be much to stop him taking that chance again. So tackle this as best you can as soon as possible.

If you can't, then be assured that you did the best you could, & walk away knowing you did nothing wrong, & with yourself intact.

Best wishes,
Shaun

PS: You are not mad, crazy or stupid!!!

Reply to Shaun

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