Posted by: Emmy | 2012/12/14

Am I bitter

I’ ve feeling pretty down about this lately. I am, married with one child, my mother, father, sister and her son live in a different province, my sister is not married, living with my parents but has a boyfriend. I just feel all alone here with no support structure as my inlaws are a no go when it comes to help etc. We cannot just up and leave to go live there because of jobs, our home, school, our life here basically. Now when I speak to my mom which is often she’ s always talking about my sister’ s child, this that and the other about him, they are always looking after him while my sister has this fabulous life while my hubby and I hardly ever go out because of baby sitter issues. Whenever they come visit here they bring him with even if my sister remains there…  they never know when my child is sick hurt or anything but I must always hear every single detail about my sister’ s child. I know for a fact that they spoil him rotten but child gets birthday gifts and Christmas only. Am I just bitter?

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Our expert says:
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Not all of us have a support structure, and many of us just have top be self-sufficient, either as single people or as small families without the support of a convenient and nearby larger family. That's not how things used to be, but its how they are now.
It sounds as though your sister is exploiting your parents, expecting them to be true parents to her own child, while she parties like a woman without children. I'd guess that your parents talk a lot about thesister's child because he is very much part of their lives, and they don't have much else to talk about.
You don't know how your sister\s life is for her, maybe more disappointing than it seems to you - we really don't know how it is for other people. Truly happy people don't need to keep partying, and they don't neglect their children.
Milla's other suggestions make a whole lot of good sense, and are worth exploring.

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Posted by: Milla | 2012/12/14

Just assuming that at one point you lived with your parents too, who moved away? Your parents and sister or you and your husband? Either way you had to realise with that move there would be atleast a little less contact and prepared yourself for it.

I agree with wow, your sister probably envies you some, you have your own home and life. There''s nothing wrong with seeing your parents regularly but it''s not exactly fun to have them hovering over you permanently either. I promise you she doesn''t have a fabulous life, even if she thinks she does, there is nothing fabulous about constantly dumping your child on others so that you can party up a storm.
Ofcourse your parents aren''t aware when your son is sick or hurt or when he has reached a milestone, are they supposed to smell it halfway across the country? They know and tell you these things about your sister''s child because they witness it and probably think that it interests you to hear how things are going. Send them a e-mail every now and then with photo''s and news about your little one and they might chat to you about it when they KNOW about it. Show them how to set up Skype and you and your son can have video chats with them every now and again. By the sound of it you only want to connect with your parents when something is wrong, to score a baby sitter or free gifts.
How old is your son? Can''t you organise a sleepover at friends house so that you and your hubby can go out every now and again? If he''s not old enough yet, that day will come also, rather enjoy the time you get to spend with him while he''s still young.

Reply to Milla
Posted by: Wow | 2012/12/14

Bitter and crazy jealous. Your sister probably envies you for having your own house and a husband while she is an unmarried mom who is staying with her parents. The difference is that she does not whine about it, so you think her life is bliss. Everyone has challenges, grow up and stop being jealous over a little child.

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