Our expert says:
Presumably he didn't tell you he was going to see her, because he was sure it'd upset you, overlooking the fact that it'd still upset you when you found out afterwards. What's supposed to be wrong with this nasty Ex, such that "she might not even make it " ? He might indeed be re-opening a can of worms. Her sickness may be unfortunate for her, but should not be a reason to allow her back to interfering in your lives. It doesn't matter that she's in need --- surely she has family, friends, and OTHER people who can care for her ? Why would he need to visit her to tell some friend how she was --- why couldn't that friend do the visiting, and inform him ? It's not a problem that he is apparently concerned about her illness, but more that he seems to be seeking a more intimate and exclusive role in caring for her, when others could full that role.
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