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Question
Posted by: Tez | 2004/11/23

am i being too pushy?

I've been seeing this guy for about 2 months and we were sleeping together.
he keeps making empty promises which really hurts me even tho i try to not make a big deal of it.
last night he promised to call which never happened, so today i told him that if he is not going to be able to give me the respect i need, there is someone who will.
I asked him if there was any potential of us actuall getting serious and he told me he had no intention of it from the start.
I asked him why he continued to waste both of our time and he just told me he liked being around me.
i just told him that i think he is childish and should grow up. then he put the phone down on me.

am i being irrational to expect something to come of this or is he just using me.
please i need someone's opinion because i can't think about this anymore... it's too painful.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

It's very reasonable indeed, not to want to be used, and to want respect. he has said he intends nothing serious, so if you want serious, he's the wrong man for you. As Kay says, you rather rushed into it and may well have given him the impression that you wanted am all-fun and no strings relationship. Now he knows that you dont, and apparently you know that he doesn't.
Move on, you deserve better than that.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cassidy | 2004/11/24

I don't know if you've heard these days, people are either seeing you , or dating you or going out with you or you are their "fck buddy" It's actually quite degrading for women, but I've heard this on more than 1 occasion, if you had to fall in one of the above categories which one would it be?

On the basis of your answer you'll know what to do!

good luck

Reply to cassidy
Posted by: Harry | 2004/11/24

Don't get nast now (besides, he was a lousy lay), if he stuck around, you would have settled for it. Maybe he feels the same about you, who knows?

Reply to Harry
Posted by: lady nna | 2004/11/24

hi there

girl you have to get your standards up before you'll get a better quality guy, you start sleeping with him and you blow it big time.


keep your leggs closed and see how you'll be ignored and the guys real personality comes out

nina

Reply to lady nna
Posted by: Be careful | 2004/11/23

ok - Tez, it seems like you're gonna move on which is exceptional - but for future dont repeat the same pattern! Be careful, rather be straight with a man and tell him everything you hate and like from the word go... My Husband taught me a philosophy of MY-WAY-OR-THE-HIGHWAY.. I hated it at first cause i thought it to be a control card from a man - until i learnt how to do the same - we've only known each other for a total of 15months and we're married already - cause it works.. Rather just say what it is you need and want - dont waste your time on people who you'll know by your feelings arent right!

Reply to Be careful
Posted by: 555 | 2004/11/23

Tez, please get over this guy, he was just using you. You said yourself that he said he has no intention of getting serious with you. Having sex with someone does not guarantee that he loves you. Common, he told you that he just likes being around you... i think he wanted to say he just likes having sex with you, that happens.

Now i like you said, if he is not going to give you the respect you need, someone else will. And you know what, don't waste your time with him, cos someone who can give you that respect will pass by!!!

Yes, it hurts, but you will get over him other than being hurt over and over again by the same person for that matter!

Good luck!

Reply to 555
Posted by: Tez | 2004/11/23

Thank you so much everyone.
I know i have to move on and will...
besides, he was a lousy lay!!!

Reply to Tez
Posted by: Lucia | 2004/11/23

Tez

Yes he is using you - like he said himself - he has no intention of ever taking the relationship seriously.

Forget about him - this is a dead end road and although it did not end the way you wanted to, at least know that you have learnt something from this situation and will in future prevent it from happening again. Almost every woman I know at one stage or another rushed into a serious relationship (became intimate) before knowing if it is the right person for them. Some where lucky and the guy stuck around - other not and it is hell to think "I have found the love of my life" and the next moment he walks out on you. Next time make absolutely sure he is THE RIGHT ONE before becoming intimate.

Sorry dear, but remember - there are lots of fish out in the sea but be choosey - some don't taste that nice.

Reply to Lucia
Posted by: Kay | 2004/11/23

Nothing is going to come of it. He's told you what he wants and your being hurt or wanting more or pursuing it is not going to do anything except make him respect you even less than he does now.

2 months isnt a very long time to be seeing someone and on top of it to sleep with them without making yourself clear about what you expect (relationship wise) he probably thought you wanted the same as him - a good time - no strings.

I'm sorry that it didnt work out the way you wanted but you need to pull yourself together and walk away with your head held high - forget about him and move on - I'm sure there is someone out there who wants the same things you do - just take your time and make sure you're on the same page....

Reply to Kay
Posted by: A friend | 2004/11/23

You're not being too pushy. The least that anyone can expect from an "intimate" relationship, is honesty and openess.

It is loud and clear and I think that you too have seen it, but maybe don't want to admit to it. He used you. He had a sleeping partner whenever he needed one. And who knows, maybe you weren't the only one.

Nothing is going to come of this relationship so it's best that you deal with it, get over it and move on. Sure it hurts, it always does when a relationship breaks up, no matter what the reasons for the break up are.

He put the phone down on you. That in itself should be the closure.

But you know what, you're bigger and better than that and you ARE going to get over it.

I wish you everything of the best. Take care of yourself.

Reply to A friend
Posted by: Poppie | 2004/11/23

Please get the book : Woman are from Venus and Men are from Mars - it will give you insight into the man's mind.

You have a gut feeling that he is using you, listen to it.

Good Luck

Reply to Poppie

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