Our expert says:
There needs to be a serious, calm, discussion, pointing out that you're glad to let her share this special time in your life IF she behaves properly, and that you have not forgotten previous problems, that you expect her to accept responsibility for things she does wrong, just as you do. Tell her that trouble-making is unacceptable ( these are none of them automatic features of bipolar disorder ), and tell her to uninvite ALL of her friends who she invited without your consent --- if you foot the bill, it's YOUR party, not hers, and you get to choose the guests --- she can suggest people, but not invite them. Tell her accusations that YOU are somehow ruining your dad's birthday by not inviting HER pals, are nonsense, and will not be taken seriously.
You may not have to exclude her wholly from your child's life, but can reasonably set rules and limits on her involvement, which she must accept or stay away
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