Posted by: :( | 2008/05/26

Am I being to hard

My mother has bi polar and has now assumed that i've forigven her for everything - I started accepting her and letting her be a part of a very exciting and happy time in my life, i'm pregnant with my first baby - and now she's gone right back to her old ways - never accepting blame for anything and generally just causing trouble within the family. She's totally ruining my fathers 60th birthday because she doens't get along with is friends so she's inviting HERS my sister and I are footing the bill and she's inviting people (well her friends) without consulting me. and when I bring it up - ishe says i'm ruining my fathers birthday.

I don't actually want her in my life anymore, am I being to hard and unfair by eventually denying my son (to be born) a grandmother?

She's just stressed me out so much and upset me so much and I dont' know if it's the pregnant hormones becasue usually she doesn't get to me that much.

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Our expert says:
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There needs to be a serious, calm, discussion, pointing out that you're glad to let her share this special time in your life IF she behaves properly, and that you have not forgotten previous problems, that you expect her to accept responsibility for things she does wrong, just as you do. Tell her that trouble-making is unacceptable ( these are none of them automatic features of bipolar disorder ), and tell her to uninvite ALL of her friends who she invited without your consent --- if you foot the bill, it's YOUR party, not hers, and you get to choose the guests --- she can suggest people, but not invite them. Tell her accusations that YOU are somehow ruining your dad's birthday by not inviting HER pals, are nonsense, and will not be taken seriously.
You may not have to exclude her wholly from your child's life, but can reasonably set rules and limits on her involvement, which she must accept or stay away

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