Posted by: Joe | 2007/03/28

Am I Being Silly?

I have been dating a wonderful (at times) guy for about two and a half years and we have been living toghether for just over a year now. I have a 4 year old daughter from a previous relationship who stays with us. Lately I've been very broody and feel that I am ready for another baby emotionally and financially. My boyfriend however does not even want to discuss the subject or marriage as he feels he is to young...he is turning 25 this year and I will be 27. I recently found out that one of his friends are dating his ex-girlfriend and therefore we do not go out with any of our friends or anywhere as a matter of fact for fear of running into her/them. It does not bother me at all I mean he is with me now but he does not want to see her/them at all and can't give me a good enough reason for his behaviour. This is the girl he wanted to marry when he was 19 or something and which took him about two years to get over!!!! What do I do, pack up and start a new live on my own or wait until he comes around? I do love him but I am not wasting my time with someone who does not want to marry me soon.

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Our expert says:
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I wonder whether he could even give himself a "good enough reason" for his behaviour, and this strong sense of needing to avoid his former partner. One wonders whether he is in fact yet over her, and it is probably reasonable that he hesitates to have another child, with you or anyone, till this is emotionally resolved. You wouldn't want him to marry you soon, unless and until he is fully over the previous relationship. So discuss this seriously with him, without rancour, and see what you can jointly agree. Maybe he would benefit from counselling, but men seem to feel especially squeamish about accepting such help. Maybe it will turn out to be worthwhile for you to move on, as you seem ready to do.

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Our users say:
Posted by: PINKIE | 2007/03/28

i dnt think he is over his ex,cos if he was he wouldnt mind her seeing other pple or he is simply ashamed of you he does not want to be seen in public with you,but anyway i think you deserve better two and a half years is a long time ,ditch the bastard and move on,your clock is ticking and all the best

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Posted by: Tango | 2007/03/28

Well - you have a choice. I feel he is not ready - by his own admission and his attitude to bumping into his ex. If one has truely moved on then that would not be an issue.

Personally you have two choices. Stay and wait it out - but give it a time line that you are comfortable with, and let him know it in a nice way.

Or - stay and hope it changes. I thoink this is too risky. Very few men of 25 are ready to marry and take on a ready made family to boot.

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