Posted by: Sick N tired | 2008/09/09

Am i asking for a miracle

i have been in a long term relationship with a man i once thought was the only thing i ever needed, at that stage of my life. With accepting responsibility for his child from a previous marriage at the age of 18 and having a child of our own when i was 20 i bacame an adult very quick. Maybe even over responsible. I stopped drinking and threw myself into motherhood, household and work. He got a really good job that means that he is away from home for 2 months at a time and insisted that i stop working to be there for our children which i did gladly, i have always supported him sometimes to the extent that i have let my own life take back seat and lived in his shadow. however he drinks EXCESSIVELY and this is not new, i have often wished that it was not so but this is the person that i met and i don' t feel it is my place to change him... I just want him to learn responsibitlity somehow, he has never taken responsibility for his actions when he has been drinking (there have been many violent arguments) i feel like i am overwhelmed by all the responsibility i have had to take on because he simply won' t.. i need a break, i need to rediscover where i am headed in my life but am to damn afraid that taking a 2 week holiday means putting my children at risk of having to face the devil i know. I don' t have a support structure my family all stay far away.. i am scared that I am going to burn out and that this too is going to be detrimental to my children. I want to broach this with him but i don' t know how to do so and take a stand with him, i have tried being nice and asking, crying, screaming fighting... I now want to do it in a manner where he knows i am done playing games.... any advice?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

yes, its not your place to change him ( and you couldn't if you tried ) but HE needs to change himself, and get rid of this drinking problem. Why not see a good local counsellor to explore and understand your options.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: eva | 2008/09/09

I haven' t got an answer for you, but i couldn' t leave this post without telling you that i think you' re an amazing person for doing what you are. And by having to deal with all you had to in your life, you must be stronger than you think.

Just please don' t let this guy bully you girl. You deserve so much more! If he doesn' t appreciate you, then you must leave!

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