Our expert says:
marriage counselling can really help so much when things are going sour in a relatonship, and personal counselling can help you to identify your vulnerabilities and increase your coping skills. But it sounds overall, as if you have, perhaps due to the summation of all these worries, become significantly Depressed, a wretched condition in which thoughts of suicde are common. But it is highly treatable, and you coyuld be feeling a great deal better than this. You need to see a good local psychiatrist for a full assessment, and then a discussion of your treatment options, which may include medication and CBT style counselling.
As whattodo suggests, you could call Lifeline ( number on this page ) to start the process of talking about this, and making better plans fir the future.
Then you ask "Is it really that horrific to take your life?". yes it is. You assume that it would render you free from any further possible pain --- that's a guess on your part. Are you really certain you might not be wrong about that ? How long will people hurt about you ? Decades, perhaps ? Spouses, and kids especially, can be haunted by such loss, as can friends. And instead of setting your kids an example of how dad manmaged to re-learn to cope, and handled a serious illness with courage, and overcame it, you'd teach them the lesson that if things get tough --- give up. Is that the legacy you really would want to leave behind you ?
See a good local shrink / doc, for assessment, and start getting this properly treated.
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