Posted by: Helen | 2009/07/24


I am a 40 year old woman with a fantastic husband and 2 lovely boys. I had a cruel and unloving upbringing with a mother that was demeaning and a father that always stood by his wife. I was raped at 15 (a virgin) but never told anyone out of shame. I became pumiscuous thereafter for which I still carry guilt. I have repaired my relashionship with my parents but feel bitterness towards my in-laws. They say/do/take from me financially and emotionly and then treat/say things to and about me that are so hurtful. My husband finds it impossible to confront them. Subsequently I have gained 40kg, started drinking heavily and have terrible nightmares. I have weeks of self loathing and don' t want to go out anymore or socialise because I think people think I am disgusting. I feel so ashamed, alone and lonely. What can I do? Why do I feel this way?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sounds like you have endured a number of substantial problems in your life so far, and have managed pretty well to deal with them on your own. But why do it all alone ? Why not work with a counsellor / psychotherapist, to finish the work and set yourself more truly free from your past experiences, and better able to enjoy the present and the future ? How can your in-laws take anything from you, money or self-respect, without your permission ?
DO see a shrink, maybe particularly a psychologist, as soon as is practical for a full aasessment and discussion of treatment options,

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Our users say:
Posted by: Helen | 2009/07/24

Thank you for your speedy response. I have considered seeing someone, but because I have great difficulties talking about myself I have avoided taking that step. Please could you advise me as to whom/where I should see. I live in Durbanville Cape Town

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