Our expert says:
We can hear how disheartened and gloomy you feel, and it really sounds as if you are Depressed, hough you don't mention having had good treatment for Depression, which should be able to help a lot. Similarly, counselling, to focus on sdharing the burden of these bad feelings, and exploring alternative and ahppier ways of living in this situation, should be tried. Of course I can't speak for HIM, but I'm sure you deserve to be happy, and can be happy --- and if you don't give up, and persist in seeking expert help, you eventually can and will be happy, as you deserve.
You might find it helpful to seek a brilliant small paperback book I often recommend to people I work with, by a great religious writer, CS Lewis, called A Grief Observed. It is the notes he made during his profound grief after his wife died, written at the time, and includes how he felt he was losing his faith, how he felt bitter towards God, and how he recovered deeper understanding of his faith and understood the experience. Great, sinple, deep and profound writing.
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