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Question
Posted by: helpless mum! | 2007/12/14

almost 12 year old daughter a nightmare

My ex left me 2 years ago with 2 kids as he wanted his freedom in his 40's. My daughter for the past year has become a rebel. she never listens to me. turns a deaf ear about everything. she is turning 12 next month. I have tried talking to her a million times and just when i think i have gotten thru she goes back to silent treatment. she used to be the super neat, confident child who was an angel. now her room is a pig sty. she insists that i buy her similiar clothes to mine. but then she bundles up all her stuff and stores them under her bed. She has managed to cut up my rings with a nail clipper and denies everything. I was seeing someone and had to stop as she was rude and arrogant to him. now that he no longer comes, nothing has changed. she has no interest in her personal hygene which is so unusual for her. I have sent both kids to pyschologists during and a year after the divorce until i was told that they are coping. She wont go to another one now as she thinks they are dumb. I feel so helpless. She does visit her father and he just makes matters worse by saying to them that I am the one who kicked him out. She was there and knows that its not true as I was begging him not to leave. As much as i can understand that the divorce has changed her, its just too much changes. Please help. i have tried taking her out to coffee and lunch and shopping. i am so desperate as she just makes me hate her.

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Our expert says:
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Sounds like an exaggerated for of the normal teenage problems. Post also on the parenting forum, as other parents may have some useful suggestions for you. And how about taking her to see a good local child psychologist for assessment and more specific advice --- or yourself seeing a counsellor to evolve a more effective way of dealing with her ? And find acces to DSTV where on the BBC Prime channel ( I think it's 180 ) there an excellent series on Monday evenings called Teen Angels, which vividly illustrates how fairly simple techniques can bring such situations back under parental control.

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